


I Search Through the Crowd

by xladysaya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, brief mentions of death bc reincarnation...yeah, reincarnated lovers au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xladysaya/pseuds/xladysaya
Summary: It wasn't uncommon to believe in reincarnation, most people did, but it wasn't some flippant thing. Only people with the strongest of bonds were reincarnated, or so legend put it. Hajime could be dense sometimes, but he didn't miss the meaning Tooru was trying to convey."I'll find you."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh I'm so happy to be able to write for this couple, it's my first time and I was super nervous but I love these two so much I had to! Thanks to EmeraldWaves for reading this over and encouraging me to post it <3  
> Enjoy!

The sounds of the fountain were peaceful, the outdoor atmosphere a welcome change. It was too bad Tooru always felt the need to ruin such moments. "Do you think in our next life, you'll still be this bossy?"

Hajime kicked him.

Tooru winced dramatically, trying to conceal a smirk and failing miserably. Hajime kicked him again. "Ow! Iwa-chan! I'm going to report you!"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. No one else is willing to look after you, so good luck finding a new guard."

Tooru gasped in mock hurt, a bejeweled hand flying to his chest. "How could you say such lies, you love me!"

Hajime knew it was the truth, but like hell he was going to say that. At least, not in their current situation.

It was night time, but the palace was still glowing and lively, and Hajime could hear boisterous laughter and music raining down from the many balconies above them. Parties were common, and all members of the royal family were expected to attend.

Hajime's eye twitched, and he directed another glare over to his aloof companion, and questioned why the love of his life had to be so stupid.

Oikawa Tooru was the crown prince, only a few months away from his nineteenth year, and yet he still insisted on behaving like a child.

It was cute sometimes, even a bit endearing, how Tooru preferred to stargaze and stroll about the vast castle gardens instead of entertaining foreign ambassadors and potential wives. Yet, from a professional standpoint...it was a huge pain in his ass.

Iwaizumi Hajime was the designated royal guard to the prince, and the prince alone. It was his job to keep Tooru safe, and he was the obvious first choice. He was the strongest of his class, his skills and strength renowned throughout the kingdom. That's what everyone's logic was, but if Hajime was being truthful, he knew the only reason he'd been picked instantly was due to his close friendship with the prince himself. His mother had been the queen's seamstress, and he'd gotten to play with Tooru as a child every day. They were best friends, Hajime didn't need a share of coins to want to look after him.

But right now...

"Hey! We should really go back, your father is going to be furious if he knows you skipped out...and that I went along with it!" Hajime was pacing, tensing whenever people wandered drunkenly out to the balcony, praying they wouldn't be seen. All the while, Tooru kicked his legs in the fountain, having the time of his damn life. "You're the worst..."

"Come on Iwa-chan, live a little! We sneak out all the time for worse stuff than walks..." The indecent leer spoke volumes, and Hajime short circuited for just a minute with pleasant memories, before his servile brain kicked back in.

"Not in the middle of a ball Tooru."

"Details."

Hajime sighed, because deep down, he knew he couldn’t win. It wasn’t even from an occupational standpoint. It was true, he couldn’t disobey or force the prince to do anything, only had to follow him wherever he went, but that was whatever, since Hajime would gladly do that regardless. No, it was because he knew he'd give in to Tooru, like he always did, and man, love was messed up.

The other must've sensed his own victory, because he started to splash his feet a bit louder, grinning openly as Hajime sat next him in defeat.

Hajime hated how much he loved him, yet he wouldn't give it away for anything. The moonlight was hitting Tooru's face just right, illuminating his peachy skin and drawing Hajime's attention to the darkness of his brown eyes, soft and alluring, giving away emotions only Hajime was allowed to see.

Love. Fondness. Devotion.

He loved how Tooru looked at him. His fingers itched to reach up, tuck the soft curls back from Tooru's face, feel the soft skin and kiss his cheeks.

But the laughter from above stopped him, and he sat back, putting a measurable distance between them. It still may not have been safe enough.

He put a hand up to stop Tooru from leaning in to chase him, and the other pouted. Baby.

Hajime's amusement subsided quickly though, replaced by his usual seriousness. It was unheard of, scandalous even, for a servant to be caught acting inappropriately with the prince. It was grounds for exile, maybe even death. He couldn't be careless. Especially not with Tooru's matchmaking ceremony coming up so soon...

The thought made his gut twist, but he reminded himself that nothing was guaranteed. Tooru would be forced to socialize with some potential princesses for a few hours, and then he'd simply decline them all, and he'd be back in Hajime's arms by supper.

Hajime had long since let go of any insecurity about the subject, Tooru had stomped on them all years ago.

_"You're the only one I want."_

His fingers itched again, and he scooted back further.

The air between them was calm, the sounds of crickets and rustling of leaves the only backdrop to the atmosphere around them, with the occasional voice from above. They really should've been heading back...

"You didn't answer my question."

Tooru's soft tone startled him more than it should've, considering he'd fought in legitimate battles and participated in royal hunts, but at least no one was there to see him flinch.

"Huh?"

"My question...about our next life." Tooru brought his knees up to cover the bright smile on his face, and Hajime could see the giddiness, could feel it himself.

_Really_...

The words still did something funny to his stomach though, despite how ridiculous it was. _Our next life._

It wasn't uncommon to believe in reincarnation, most people did, but it wasn't some flippant thing. Only people with the strongest of bonds were reincarnated, or so legend put it. Hajime could be dense sometimes, but he didn't miss the meaning Tooru was trying to convey. But then again, Tooru was known for messing with him.

"You...you shouldn't take those things so lightly..." It was like Tooru to play around, and Hajime gave a strained laugh as looked away for a while, eventually returning his eyes to his prince.

Hajime froze when he saw Tooru's expression. His face was set, like stone, as if he were in a strategy meeting or discussing life threatening situations. Serious, sure. "I would never."

Oh no...

Those eyes could've swallowed him whole.

It was such a Tooru phrase really, 'I would never,' but it was all business this time, heavy and certain. He wasn't joking. Hajime moved back more, lest he tackle the other from the random desire which surged through him. "You have no way of know--"

"Yes I do." Hajime didn't miss the tremble in Tooru's normally confident tone. Hajime would love to argue, he really would, but Gods, Tooru spoke with such conviction sometimes, it was hard. "I love you. I'm going to be with you again."

He said it like it was a fact. There was no room for dispute, and Hajime's hands gripped the stone of the fountain, keeping himself still. What was he going to argue again? Right, nothing, because part of him felt the same. In a way, it made him laugh, and he snorted into his palm. "Of course one life wouldn't be enough for you..."

It didn't have the desired effect, but what he got was pleasing all the same. Tooru smiled, smug and affectionate all at once. "As if you wouldn't want unlimited lives with me either, I'm a gem."

Hajime snorted louder.

"Mean!"

"Well, you don't exactly get to decide how many lives you get my dea--my prince." _Fuck, almost slipped up._

"Yeah, yeah, all that full name crap. You know what I mean!" Tooru's eyes were way too bright, too believing in a system he'd just openly mocked.

"How is it crap? It's just how it goes, you're the one who brought it up all cheery and shit," Hajime scolded, laughter subsiding. In most legends, people could be reincarnated as many as a hundred times, and in as little as three, assuming a new identity and new life each time. The only indication of someone's last cycle, was if they were born with their first life's full name once more. Simple.

"You don't believe?"

The question caught Hajime a bit off guard. Did he? Most people did, and there wasn't exactly evidence against it. He'd never been one to think about that stuff though, never had a reason to...

_"I love you. I'm going to be with you again."_

Ah, but there was that. Hajime looked back at Tooru, and the smile he got destroyed him. He thought of how he wanted to reach forward and hold him forever, talk to him all day, how he always felt the need to protect him and hear his voice. On their days off, the sunlight faded fast, but their conversations would never get shorter. He'd go as far as to sneak into Tooru's chambers at night, steal kisses and hushed sighs of pleasure, or sometimes simply exchange stories and jokes, trying to soak the other up as much as he could. Would there ever be enough time with Tooru?

It certainly didn't feel like it.

The party above them seemed to be dying down, and Hajime looked up to watch as a few hall lanterns were extinguished, signaling the retiring of older members of the family. It was his queue to escort Tooru back.

Tooru seemed to realize it too, standing up with a whine of displeasure, the silky embroidered robes falling perfectly around him. His crown was lopsided, but Hajime made no move to fix it. He couldn't touch Tooru right now, not when he felt such a surge of adoration.

"I should take you back." Hajime's voice had lost the usual gruffness, barely a whisper now.

"Will you stay with me?" Tooru strode towards him, letting their palms brush together ever so subtly, and Hajime couldn't resist.

Already, the thought of Tooru's soft sheets and warm body wrapped around him sounded all too amazing.

"Always."

\--

_Smoke is ugly._ That was all Tooru could manage to think. He didn’t have anything profound to say about why or how the thick cloud enveloped everything, poisoned everything, making his eyes water and burn as he ran from the plumes. Smoke was hideous, the fire which came with it would spread with intent to destroy, and it was currently reaching success.

All this for what? Because he loved someone who was his servant, and the kingdom of his betrothed didn’t take it well. Tooru might’ve laughed bitterly, if he had it in him. All the destruction and violence, just because he loved Hajime.

He didn’t know if his flood of tears down his face were from the smoke or his own emotions, the pain of it all crashing down on him like strikes from a whip, but it didn’t matter. He ran, ran as fast as his long, bruised legs could carry him, clutching the hand which was leading him through the chaos for dear life. He coughed loudly, jostled several times by people running past him in a frenzy to escape the palace, his home.

Except it didn’t feel like his home anymore. The usual serenity was replaced with the screams and cries of servants and aristocrats, with the sound of heirlooms and treasured items being flung to the floor as fire crackled in the distance. His home was gone. He’d watched the surrounding gardens burn before the mob had broken through, his eyes unable to tear away from the sickening sight while the vibrant trees and foliage turned to a crisp. The array of bright colors, the fruits and flowers which grew on the very edges of the kingdom and beyond…the fountains where he’d pretend he could catch fish…it was all gone.

He hadn’t wanted to leave, hadn’t wanted to submit and be chased out of the place he was raised, the place he’d learned and loved. He didn’t want to die here.

He tripped, falling onto all fours on the blood and dirt stained floor, and vaguely he could hear screams from somewhere behind him. The intruders had broken through the last door.

He was crying more, begging his body to stand. He didn’t want this, he wanted to live. He wanted to be with—

Two, strong hands cupped his face, and soon his love was kneeling in front of him hastily, and the world around him was drowned out a little. Tooru blinked, the tears making everything blurry as Hajime’s voice faded in and out of his ears. It was too loud around them, too much. He wanted it to be just the two of them, back in bed just as they had been this morning. Maybe this was all one big nightmare. The sounds of swords clashing and more cries reminded him that they were not so fortunate. Tooru couldn’t fight the voice in his head which told him it was all his fault, he’d failed to protect them, he and Hajime. Tooru had failed to keep his partner safe, regardless of his princely status. He wanted to protect Hajime too, and he'd been unsuccessful. It was almost more sickening than the smoke.

Hajime spoke again, more forcefully, and Tooru listened like his life depended on it. It probably did.

“Tooru! D-dearest, you…” Hajime’s control was slipping, his emotions giving into desperation. Tooru could always tell when the other was crumbling, because it was rare, and it was terrifying this time. Hajime only defaulted to such intimate terms when he couldn’t handle something anymore, when he needed him, but Tooru didn’t know if he’d be able to reach out and help. Not this time. Hajime was always the strong stoic one, the one who was calm and put together when times called for it. Seeing him like this made Tooru’s heart sink.

More sobs wracked his frame, and he wasn’t used to feeling this pathetic and powerless. He hated it, hated being stripped of his whole being. His usual strategic, intimidating nature was gone, leaving him as a husk on the ground of his burning palace. His prestige, his name, his status…it was being reduced to nothing but rubble.

_I don’t care anymore. I just want…_

_“I only want to be with you.”_

He’d told Hajime that on the eve of his fifteenth year, and it rang true now more than ever.

Right, despite his world falling apart around him, he hadn’t lost everything. Tooru focused on Hajime’s face, staring into the gray eyes, the only smokiness which he’d gladly be consumed by, and realized how much they truly encompassed all the amazing parts of Tooru’s life. In those eyes he could see playing in the foyer as a child, catching bugs in the garden, first kisses as a teenager…

All of his fondest moments began with the other, it wasn’t possible to search for a memory, and not bump into his best friend. Hajime had been with him through it all, the other’s love and presence would be ingrained in Tooru’s bones until he met his end, and probably until his body turned to dust and he was nothing more than one of history’s casualties.

That was enough for him, having Hajime for as long as he could. But…

He tried to stand, his knee quaking under the stress, and he collapsed again, peering into Hajime’s eyes helplessly. Coupled with the exhaustion, he’d managed to bump his knee pretty badly amidst all the turmoil.

_No. No, no! Get up!_

His body fought him, but he kept fighting, seething in helpless frustration when his limbs wouldn’t obey.

“H-Hajime…I’m so tired, I-I don’t know…” Tooru’s words came out in a hopeless gasp, but nonetheless he was letting Hajime hoist him up and back onto his feet. The other’s hands combed through his hair, and Tooru relished in it, taking in the feel of those rough hands performing such a gentle action, because he knew it would be the last time. The metallic smell from working with iron weapons, the stench of armor polish and bathing oils…Hajime’s scent, it was his only comfort, and he breathed in greedily, afraid that soon the smoke would return to clog his lungs and sinuses.

Tooru reached up to grasp the hand on his cheek, trying to push forward finally, anything to get them away from here.

“I know, but you have to keep going, you have to stay with me okay? I-if you don’t keep up I’ll kick you…” Tooru could almost laugh. In the midst of it all, Hajime’s childish threats still prevailed. Tooru wished he had the capacity to whine and complain like usual, as if it was all okay again.

Hajime tightened his grip on Tooru’s hand as he pushed them through the halls, trying to get away from the sounds of panic from a few rooms down.

_They’re so close…_

The thought filled him with dread. Still, he pressed on, as fast as he could, allowing Hajime to lead him, just like when they were kids. If Tooru imagined hard enough, he could picture all the days on the shore, whining as Hajime dragged him by the hand into the ocean to play, the screams of pain around him replaced with their carefree laughter.

What a useless attempt.

He could smell it again, the ash, and soon there was a cloud of blackness which began to fill the halls.

Tooru knew then, in that moment, that the fear of smoke and fire would never leave him. It had taken all he cared about, and now he could only desperately hang onto the most important person he had, the last one left.

He fought the tears as they rounded a corner, eventually leading them to a dead end hallway. Or, so it seemed. In a rush, Hajime flung the tapestry on the wall to the side, revealing the cellar door. Hajime looked at him then, pain and frustration evident in his eyes.

The cellar wasn’t a secret. Anyone with plans of the palace would know it was there, any servant could be bribed to give up the location. This was their only choice, not even a hope. If they went in there, they would die, if they stayed out in the palace or tried to escape the same way they’d come, they’d die.

The one thing which compelled him into the dark, damp space, which pushed him to keep going in the face of inevitable death, was the fact that he’d get to live just a few more moments with Hajime. It would never be enough though, he realized. Cruel.

_“I want to be with you forever though!”_

He’d said it when he was nothing more than a child, but his feelings hadn’t changed.

Shutting the door quickly, Hajime led them down the stairs into a small pocket of earth, a hole which had either eroded away or had been neglected by the constructors of the cellar. It didn’t matter anymore. They huddled there, their long limbs cramped and barely fitting into the space.

Tooru’s breathing was harsh and rapid, and all he could do was wrap his arms around Hajime’s chest and let out all the emotions, all the panic and anxiety which was welling up inside him. The other held him tightly, and it didn’t take long for Tooru to realize that he wasn’t the only one shaking.

That’s where they waited. They didn’t talk, only drank in the smell and feel of the other in their arms, never wanting it to end. Hajime would tense every now and again, a warrior until the end as he glared in the direction of the cellar door, poised to attack. He was afraid though, Tooru could tell from the heavy sweat on his brow, the subtle tremble to his lips.

_“You swore to protect me right?” Tooru said frivolously one afternoon as they strolled about the gardens. “That’s what the royal bodyguard is for! Right?”_

_Hajime hadn’t looked at him, fixing a scowl at the ground as he elbowed Tooru in the side. “Hey--!”_

_“Idiot, I don’t need a title or an oath to want to protect you.”_

Tooru’s grip tightened around Hajime, and the other looked at him again, confused and…lost. They stared at each other, too many words unspoken between them, but Tooru could feel his own reflected back in that gaze, and he was more terrified than ever in that one moment.

“Hajime…I don’t want—” Tooru flinched when his head was jerked upwards, held by Hajime’s warm palms as the other glared.

“Shut up! You’re not going to die here—”

Tooru felt the last vestiges of rage inside him flare up, and damn all the intruders, the mob which was surely looking for him, he’d yell if he had to. “Don’t lie to me! You said you’d never lie to me!”

_You know what’s going to happen!_

Hajime froze, stunned, but Tooru didn’t back down, his voice dropping to a pathetic whisper as the final crash of reality trapped him in his early grave when the sounds of footsteps increased above them. “I don’t care about dying…I…I care about not seeing you again!”

Hajime’s face contorted in a way Tooru had never seen before. The other was rarely emotional, and by Gods, Tooru wished more than anything that he’d gotten to see such a display in a different context. He would’ve grinned, or maybe teased, but now he felt like doing neither. He dove back into the circle of Hajime’s arms, pulling the other closer, and waited.

It had felt like hours, listening to the slams and crashes from above, but really, it must’ve only been about ten minutes before there were shouts at the cellar door. Tooru flinched at the first hit to the weak iron.

Hajime practically growled in response, body ready to spring into action, like he wouldn’t go down without some sort of fight. Tooru sobbed in anguish and panic, backing up until his back hit the wall of the crevice, and then it dawned on him that this was it.

He could fight back just the same, but it would be for nothing.

His eye’s caught Hajime’s one last time, and then the door was broken down in a deafening crash of metal and stone.

In the blink of an eye, Hajime pulled Tooru until they were face to face, foreheads brushing together as the sound of footsteps trampled down the stairs and right towards them.

“Tooru—”

“I love you.” They said it at the same time, for the last time, and Tooru pulled Hajime close, crushing him with all the strength he had.

Hajime kissed the side of his face desperately, before leaving Tooru with his final words.

“I’m always going to find you. Tooru, don’t forget that! Okay? I’ll find you.”

And then there was the smoke again, and Tooru felt nothing but the sting.

\--

The first cycle was far too short for his tastes.

Like, _way_ too short, and looking back, it might not have been worth it to most people, putting in all that energy and effort for a measly few hours, if that.

Still...

Tooru's feet pounded against the dirt of the shoddy path, his knee aching in complaint as he ran with as much speed as he could, not caring one bit as the world blurred past him. In that moment, he would've ran forever if that's what it took. Who cared if he couldn't walk anymore after this? Or if he'd be labeled as a burden? None of it mattered. The fresh late afternoon air filled his lungs as he ran towards the outskirts of the village, narrowly avoiding trees and some of the village workers who were tending to crops. He muttered half-assed apologies to the people he bumped and swerved past, his eyes homed in on one thing and one thing only; the house on the edge of the fields.

He was in his twentieth year in this cycle.

His feet were aching now, begging for him to stop, but the door was so close...

Tooru had spent a good few years traveling throughout the country once he became of age, searching every settlement, sending messages and leaving carvings and evidence that he existed every chance he could. He sailed when he could, walked when he had to, ran when he thought he was close. All that for the singular desire for Hajime. _Hajime, I'm here. Find me._

That had been in his mind ever since he'd been born into this new time, learning new things, speaking a new language and having a completely different life. Hajime. That's who he wanted to see. No matter where they were or how different things were, if he could find Hajime it didn't matter.

With that in mind, like hell was Tooru going to just wait to be found. Not in a million years.

So, he'd looked.

And looked.

And looked some more. Tooru had checked everywhere, asked local rulers, hell, he'd even tried getting information out of clans who weren't so keen on helping. He didn't care what it took, he was finding the other. The area...the world in which they existed in now was a lot different from before, and he had a whole new set of memories, of lessons and family members, but Hajime was constant. Hajime, he remembered him so clearly it was impossible to ignore. As if he'd want to. So, he kept searching.

And then it had happened, he'd been on the verge of losing hope, trying to hold in his frustrated tears as he traded away some goods for warmer clothes as winter approached, and he'd heard it.

"...Hajime from the eastern fields, quite the legend. Supposedly quite strong and..."

Tooru hadn't waited to hear the rest, he'd cut them off, asking on the fastest route to the eastern plains from the trading post, and he'd set off.

It was far. He'd had to take some risks, travel tough terrain by himself, but he was never one to give up. There had been a lot of close calls, and he'd be sure to whine Hajime's ear off about every single one later. Not to mention, next time they'd definitely need a better plan than this. What was Hajime even thinking? "I'll find you," he'd said. Ha.

Tooru grinned brightly, he couldn't wait to brag about how he'd found Hajime first, he definitely would owe him something.

Like kisses. And a hug. Like...an eternal hug.

Tooru could feel the tears prickling in his eyes as he threw the wooden door open, not bothering to announce himself or follow customs. This was where Hajime lived, this was where--

Tooru froze as he noticed the old cot in the corner of the room, his heart doing the amazing thing where it drops and twists all at once. His breathing was probably louder than the wind outside, but he couldn't hear anything.

Those surprised, beautiful gray eyes met his, and it was instantaneous. Tooru wouldn't have called it a spark, but it was just as exhilarating. The relief which swept over his soul was immense, as if it had finally found what had been pulling at it all his life. A promise finally fulfilled.

The happiness though, no matter how consuming, was mixed with a painful realization, and Tooru hadn't even realized he'd fallen to his knees until the tears from his eyes hit the skin there.

Hajime's face softened, the wrinkles on his forehead fading a bit as he smiled fondly, no, apologetically, and it broke Tooru's heart even more.

"Tooru...there you are," Hajime breathed out, his voice deep and worn, but the nature of it was the same, rough but sure, and most of all loving. Tooru surged up with newfound energy, falling to the floor by the cot and grabbing Hajime's wrinkled hand so tight he was worried it would break. Hajime didn't pull away.

It was here that Tooru realized that the universe was indifferent to him. He's wasn't royalty like before, the world didn't work for him and certainly wouldn't accommodate him. The universe would give him his second chances, he was born again, and maybe he'd be born again next time too, living in a new place in a new time. But even with that chance, he realized Hajime wasn't always going to be a guarantee.

Tooru clutched the old man's hand even harder, the angry tears falling without care. Hajime always said he was the ugliest crier. His snot would drain from his nose and the tears wouldn't stop, and the rough sobs would shake his whole body.

Tooru looked up at the other desperately, because for once, he didn't have the answer. He didn't know what to do. What was there to do? Hajime's eyes glistened sadly, probably realizing the same thing, but he held his composure for Tooru's sake.

_I'm sorry._

Tooru could see the apology in Hajime's expression, even though none of this was either of their faults. Regardless, Tooru felt like yelling.

They couldn't control how this worked, they could only hope for the best. Tooru hated when he couldn't manipulate things for himself, hated feeling hopeless. It wasn't like he could do much though. Tooru just buried his face in the other's chest, finally noticing that the other was shaking too.

Tooru wasn't used to feeling this lost, and he wept without care, the struggle between being pathetic and relieved waging a war inside him. After all, Hajime was _here_. After all the years and yearning, he'd found him, and yet they couldn't be together.

Cruel.

After an agonizingly long string of moments, their sobs and labored breathing calmed a bit, and Tooru dared to pull back and steal a glance at Hajime's face.

His skin was sagging a bit, his hair thinning and gray. He looked toil worn, his fingers a bit twisted from an obviously high amount of labor in his youth, and Tooru vaguely remembered the men from the trading post calling him a 'legend.'

Huh, so that's what they meant. How unfair.

He sniffed again, trying to maintain eye contact while he held back the emotions, but Hajime could see right through him, it was both annoying and heartwarming. The other met the stare, chuckling sadly as he brushed a stray piece of hair out of Tooru's swollen eyes. "I guess...this is why I could never find you. So young..."

Tooru shook his head, smiling ruefully. This was all so messed up. "To think I missed your rise to fame...you're such a tiny old man Hajime. Well, you were always shorter than me but..." His voice cracked on the word 'old,' and he cursed himself.

He received a surprisingly strong smack on the head for the comment, and it almost felt like everything was normal. Tooru knew he'd be waiting a long time before they actually were.

"We've been reincarnated once and you think you're going to be taller every time? Ch' don't get cocky." Hajime's voice was scolding, but his face his kind, and Tooru kept crying.

"I can't help it with you, you brute."

Hajime looked like he was about to reply, but a violent cough rocked him, and Tooru stood quickly to help him sit up, worry coursing through him. It was then that he noticed Hajime's many bandages and healing oils by the bed, and he finally thought that his love looked a bit pale and sickly, even for an old man.

Tooru understood at once, why Hajime was secluded outside of town, why he was in a house alone on a bed with the door open. Tooru understood, but it felt like a slap nonetheless.

"Don't...don't look at me like that..." Hajime said between wheezes, and Tooru glared. All at once he felt enraged, enraged because he'd wasted so much time. If he'd found Hajime sooner, they could've talked more, reminisced more, and Tooru wouldn't be standing here watching him practically wither away. He grit his teeth.

"You sound terrible...if I had gotten here sooner--"

"Then what?" Hajime's tone was surprisingly sharp for how weak the man actually was, and Tooru startled. He was instantly reminded of his first life, of him messing around in the ballroom and Hajime yelling at him for being ill-mannered or reckless. It's all too familiar, and it stung. "I'm dying either way! I've lived my life, it's over! What could you have done? What use would there have been for you to--"

"Shut up! I would've been able to be here with you! Talking to you...I don't care for how long..." Tooru wanted to yell more, because well, he was as angry as the Gods. How could Hajime say that? Tooru didn't care that the other was practically on his deathbed waiting for people to come pick him up and bury him for good, Tooru had traveled and starved and wandered just to see him, for no matter how long that would be. "You really don't know anything!"

It was Hajime's turn to gape, and Tooru didn't feel the least bit triumphant. It was the worst.

They were quiet for a long time, and Tooru finally sat down on the edge of the cot, eyes hidden and face set in a grimace. Really, he shouldn't have been arguing...

The universe had dealt him a cruel hand this time, but he'd gotten to see Hajime at least. He shouldn't have been wasting that time, since they seemed to never have enough.

Hajime's hand covered his in the next moment, as if to mirror the thought, and Tooru glanced up desperately. There was an apology in those eyes again, but it didn't feel rewarding.

"Tooru...I'm sorr--"

"I am too, but it's not exactly our fault is it?" Tooru blurted it out, trying to rush the tenseness of the moment along because at this point, it wasn't worth it. Tooru closed his eyes, mentally keeping track of it all. In their first life, they'd gotten to be beside each other for thirteen years, and now in the second...

Tooru tried not to grimace coldly, and he was pretty sure it turned into a pout. "So stupid. I never get to live a full life with Hajime..." He said it mostly to himself, but the grip on his arm tightened, and Tooru's gaze flew up to the other's instinctively. Ah, and there it was again, his soul's recognition of its other half.

Hajime blinked, his face seemingly fighting between looking hopeless and amused at Tooru's expression, and then he was laughing again, small and comforting before it turned into another coughing fit. It was an ugly sound, and Tooru didn't know how to cope with it. He winced and clutched tighter, because it was all he could do. Useless.

Tooru wasn't used to it really, seeing Hajime so weak. He bit back a sob, going back to his previous thoughts. He'd never lived a full life with Hajime, but they were only two in, and when he looked at it that way, it softened the vice grip on his heart.

Or, that's what he told himself.

It quieted down again as Hajime's coughs died off, and they sat there, processing it all. The sun was setting outside Tooru realized, and it was more ominous than it should've been. Never before had he hated the sunset so much. He realized it was nearing the end, and he still had so much to go over with the other, he almost didn't know where to begin, that was, until Hajime handed him something. Tooru looked down, puzzled as the wrinkled fingertips wrapped around his own, placing the object there shakily. Tooru's breath caught, and never mind what he'd said, the vice hadn't let up in the least bit.

Hajime watched him as he clutched the necklace, unspoken words of affection floating in the air between them.

It was a river stone, a nice one, sparkling and astonishingly similar to Hajime's eye color. It didn't beat the real thing of course, but it would stay with Tooru for the rest of this life, keeping him grounded since Hajime couldn't. He held it like a lifeline. When Tooru raised his head up, Hajime's gaze was terrifyingly determined, and Tooru's heart was racing once again.

"This isn't the last time. Not by a long shot." Tooru's hands were white around the stone as Hajime shifted, lying back down with a groan as his body sagged against the cot from exhaustion. "I'm going to--"

"You're going to find me. I know," Tooru replied with a teasing smile, but his voice was barely above a whisper. "Hm, unless I find you first. I did this time you know." The tears were prickling again when Hajime grinned at him, and Tooru didn't resist the urge to lay down in the cot as well, being mindful to not crush the other.

When he felt a familiar hand curl in his hair, he closed his eyes and thought of a past time, one where they were both young and spry and together.

"Well, you're on then."

They talked for a few hours about the past, about this life and the experiences they'd had and about how much they missed each other. They theorized about what it would be like next time, and Tooru tried not to cry while he pictured the rest of this time alone.

After a while, Hajime's voice became weaker at first. Then, it began to trail off slowly, and Tooru's being felt like it was being strangled, robbed of life as Hajime was.

All the while Tooru held the stone, and tried to beg the universe to take pity on him next time.

Hajime passed away by nightfall, and Tooru was gone before daybreak.

\--

Lives came and went, but a few managed to stick out from time to time, for better or worse. Tooru was not pleased when in the second cycle, they both found each other at the same age again, but they were now both old and wrinkly. Tooru whined all day, and Hajime never let go of his hand as they lived out the rest of their days in a healing wing.

Next time, they'd said.

Then Tooru was forced to be a goddamn flower arranger for the ruling class, and while he got to travel around a lot, he'd never found Hajime. It was lonely, and he'd never chosen to romantically involve himself with anyone else in either life. What was the point? It would be unfair. His heart had been claimed, there was no use. He'd died alone that life, but it hadn't been all bad. He'd managed to plant large amounts of _Epiphyllum oxypetalum_ everywhere he went. It was nerdy of him, calling them by such a technical name, but it was his job at the time. When he'd been but a young child prince, he'd called them lunar bloomers, much to the amusement of his best friend. It didn't matter what they were called in the end, they were important, and they were a comfort he greatly needed, being able to look at the flowers Hajime had helped him tend to as children in the sprawling palace garden from a time long forgotten.

\--

The cycles had gone by pretty fast after the first, but Hajime still felt as if he was constantly restless. Every time he became old enough to make sense of his memories and remember Tooru, he was thirteen or so, and he was stuck waiting for the day when he could begin searching.

No way was he going to let his smug lover have the privilege of winning again.

It didn't go according to plan most times, and it pissed him off more than anything. For example, one cycle, Hajime couldn't seem to find the other anywhere, and his family was strict and rooted in rules, basically making it impossible to venture outside of the country. Tooru could've been halfway across the globe or two hours away, he never knew. It was more painful than anything, not being able to find him, to slowly reach his seventies and eighties without the other by his side. Another cycle, failed.

And those were the ones where Hajime was reincarnated in the first place.

The drink he was nursing tasted more bitter than usual at the thought. Hajime swallowed thickly as he remembered the third cycle, floating in limbo while he had to watch Tooru live out his life, searching for someone who he'd never find, succumbing to loneliness. That cycle had changed Hajime. Never before had he felt so hopeless. He longed for Tooru every moment he was without him, and not being able to remedy that, or much less attempt it, had been soul crushing. Watching Tooru cry by himself, thrive by himself, and die alone with those flowers by his bedside...Hajime had never felt so cross about something. He should've been there to catch the tears, to cheer him on, to love him until his last breath. He would never complain about being an old man again, that was for sure.

When he came back the cycle after that, he begged for Tooru to be there too.

Luckily, Tooru wasn't the hardest to find in most cases. Regardless of how his appearance changed, he was never ugly. Quite the opposite. He was annoyingly attractive across timelines, and Hajime couldn't help but wish to the universe that once, just once, Tooru would look at least average. If the other boy was there, he'd probably tease about how Hajime would never find him ugly regardless, way too in love for such shallow things, but he wasn't, so Hajime imagined the whiny voice himself.

The worst part was, imaginary Tooru was right.

Hajime's eyebrow twitched for the hundredth time as he reevaluated his current situation, because as much as Tooru's godlike beauty was a welcome beacon most lifetimes, it was now a thorn right in Hajime's ass.

It was the fifth cycle, and Hajime was the sibling of a prominent businessman, living the high life at the young age of twenty five. Whatever. People drank way too much and never wanted to go running or exploring, and his source of entertainment had sadly become books. _Books_. Either that, or he had to tag along with other uppity businessmen who only talked about women and money, and that didn't appeal to him in the slightest.

Except tonight, he'd been more or less forced to go, and he was pretty sure he was now the only sober one in the group, all seated on plush pillows in a private show room. At some point, his older brother had called for dancers, which Hajime knew was what the place was known for. It was annoying, but each time he'd simply zone out as the scantily clad men and women danced around the men in the room, occasionally being whisked off for more. He'd have to turn down a few, and then they'd take the hint, flaunting in front of others instead of him. That was how it usually went.

Usually, being the key word.

This time however, he was in the middle of a crisis, because apparently, sometime in the last few months since they'd come, the business had hired new dancers. Attractive new dancers. A very attractive new dancer in particular, and one whose movements were entirely too familiar.

He had danced into the room along with the others, moving gracefully with his face hidden at first as his hips swayed and his jewelry bounced. His body was toned, and he was taller than most of the other dancers, but Hajime wasn't keen on paying too much attention to any of them anyways, ready to zone out as usual when the dancers raised their veils and waltzed over to the men to begin their wooing.

Hajime looked off somewhere in space, setting his drink down, ready to spend the night in his own thoughts, when suddenly there was pressure in his lap.

He startled instantly, gasping as his hands came up instinctively to shove the dancer off him in distaste and refuse him, but then he gazed into those wide eyes, and something in the world became brighter, his body exhaling in relief as his vision was consumed by the other, and then it was there, the spark of triumph. _Found you._

Hajime's breathing stalled completely, and Tooru's chocolate brown eyes, which never changed across lifetimes, wavered a little, like he was barely caging in all the emotions begging to pour out. The other was never good at holding back tears, but he was somehow managing. The memories came rushing back as they always did, of their first meeting, of the subsequent lifetimes spent together and apart, and Hajime wanted to wrap him up and never let go, his whole existence taking shape in those eyes. Hajime couldn't think, and the hands on his shoulders tightened, and it felt like it was just the two of them again, and he was determined to make it a reality. But shit, there were other things to consider here...

It was scary, how torn he was, because Tooru looked young, probably no more than a few years younger than Hajime himself, and the thought was exhilarating. The rational part of him told him to not look suspicious, to carry on the charade and keep Tooru in his lap all night so no one else would touch him, and they could talk and reunite properly later. The emotional side of him though, the part which had gone through hundreds of years and five lives with nothing but yearning for the other in each, never finding him soon enough and always parting too fast, just wanted to kiss the living daylights out of him, cry for days and never let him go, he didn't care who witnessed it.

And then Tooru shifted in his lap unconsciously...and Hajime was also reminded of the physical side of him which joined the mix. He cursed himself, but he couldn't exactly help it. They were both young this time, both able bodied, and he was in his prime. Not to mention, he hadn't seen Tooru in ages, and now the other was in front of him, wearing loose pants and bare chested, and yeah...Hajime wasn't too ashamed.

"Oi Hajime, when you're done with that one send him this way," one of the men in his party slurred the words out, grin smug and maybe a little hungry, and Hajime felt that protective instinct surge in him something fierce. "I haven't seen him before, bet he dances good."

Tooru tensed in his lap, fingers digging into the fabric of Hajime's tunic, and like hell was anyone touching him. Hajime rubbed comforting circles into the bare skin of Tooru's hip, trying his best to keep his tone and expression neutral despite his anger. "Sorry, I think I'll be keeping this one for tonight." The words were so sleazy, not at all him, and he almost felt like apologizing to Tooru for treating him like property, the old servant instinct in him from his first life rearing its ugly head.

Needless to say, everyone in the room apart from the other dancers gaped at him, proud and confused all at once. It wasn't expected, Hajime never flirted or even watched the dancers, and he certainly never took them home. Hajime had never shown romantic interest in anyone in their eyes, and Hajime coughed awkwardly when the stares got to be too much.

A few claps on the back and an a few yells of 'about time!' later, and they were all preoccupied again, leaving Hajime some privacy in the corner of the room, Tooru still stuck in his lap.

They didn't know what to say at first, didn't need to say much as they took each other in, grips tightening as if the other would dematerialize out of nowhere (at this point, Hajime wouldn't put it past the universe).

Hajime figured indulging himself was completely in his right. He poked at Tooru's soft spots, lightly pinched his thighs and hips, tracking up his arms until both his hands were cupping the other's face softly, and they both tried to keep in their laughter as Tooru did the same. They were still in public after all.

"Hajime..."

Hearing Tooru finally speak sent his nerves ablaze, and damn, self-control was so difficult. Tooru sounded the same to him in each cycle, and Hajime wondered if he sounded different to everyone else. But no, Tooru's voice was the same as when he was a prince, when he was a florist, when he was young and at older Hajime's deathbed. That voice was Hajime's alone to covet, for all of time. Now though, it was threatening to cause issues...

Tooru's voice was a seductive whisper, the strong tone of longing laced between the words, and Hajime leaned in, eager for more.

But oh right, he'd forgotten (stupidly) that Tooru ruined everything. "You're even shorter this time."

Hajime pinched him, hard.

Tooru yelped, drawing the attention of a few stares from a ways away, but luckily most of them probably thought it was a pleasured sound, and resumed their business. Ha.

Tooru glared at him, socking him in the arm with minimal force. "So cruel! You finally see me again and this is how I'm treated." Tooru actually had the nerve to sniff in fake hurt, and Hajime's eye twitched. Another aspect of Tooru's voice which never changed: it was whiny as all fuck.

Hajime voiced this actually, and was met with another less than kind smack to the arm. Again though, it was all so familiar, no real malice behind any of it, they fell back into their pattern so easily. The air between them was charged and euphoric despite their annoyed expressions, because fuck, they did miss each other.

Hajime smirked lazily, a faint blush ruining its effect as his arms wrapped around Tooru's waist. "Cruel? You're the one in my lap wearing only pants..." _It's true_ he thought, and after everything he shouldn't have been this embarrassed, but yet here they were.

He realized his error--if it could be called that--a little too late.

Tooru blinked at him in shock, which lasted for a grand total of two seconds before his eyes went lidded and predacious, his stupid smirk curling up as he shifted his hips again, none too accidentally. "Oh Iwa-chan...you only just found me and you're already having dirty thoughts?"

It was at this moment that Hajime finally took a closer look at Tooru's skin, the light sheen of sweat from his dance coupled with the heat of the room making him glisten, his exposed abdomen and upper arms looking particularly sleek due to the body oils they had been cleaned with beforehand. Usually, Hajime would've protested the indecency in public, but seeing as how he hadn't seen Tooru in so long...

Screw it.

He ran a hand down Tooru's thigh, lightly pinching at the soft spots, and Tooru's legs widened by instinct.

_Way too long..._

Hajime's eyes ran up and down Tooru's chest, watching as his nipples hardened from the air around them, as if inviting Hajime to tease. So, he did, partly for his own benefit, but mostly because he liked getting the best of Tooru when he could. He licked his lips as Tooru watched him curiously, then leaned forward to circle his tongue around the sensitive bud, flicking it lightly in a way he knew drove Tooru mad. The heels of Tooru's feet dug into the plush carpet beneath them, sliding from the lack of leverage, and his body arching towards Hajime like it was his soul's calling. In a way, it was.

Hajime pulled away with a smug air to him, catching Tooru's challenging gaze. It felt so amazingly familiar, this unspoken provocation between them, and his shoulders tensed when Tooru began to grind in his lap in a slow, agonizing manner. The bells from his sash jingled with every rotation, the fabric jostling softly and doing nothing to block out the heat emanating from Tooru.

Fuck.

Tooru kept his gaze neutral, if not a bit coy through the whole ordeal, not relenting just yet. Hajime felt air leave his body when the other spoke again. “You’re being so bold Hajime. That's not very obedient of you." Tooru leaned forward, tongue flicking out to graze Hajime's bottom lip, always trying to be the leader. Not this time. "How unlike my royal guard..."

Hajime growled, hoisting Tooru up by the hips in some spontaneous need to show off his strength, robbing the other of the friction as Tooru's hips squirmed downward against his grip.

It was very gratifying to say the least, seeing how Tooru's face twisted into one of hopeless desperation and being robbed of the touch.

_Focus_.

"H-hey--"

"Stop whining." Hajime's voice was anything but scolding, a weird mix of lust and fondness, and Tooru shut up almost immediately. It made Hajime chuckle, how easily they could pull reactions out of each other. Tooru was biting his lip, trying to rile up Hajime in an attempt to get him to cave, running his hands teasingly over the shorter's abdomen. Hajime lifted him higher, watching the sway of the sash against Tooru's stomach as the bells jingled, delighted with the small moan he got out of it. He was tempted to take him right then and there, but luckily, he had some brain cells left. "Knock it off! Besides...I doubt you want me to do you in a room full of people."

Tooru seemed to squint at that, looking over to the other group as if he'd completely forgotten about them.

_Really..._

Although, Hajime couldn't say he'd gotten lost himself for a while. Tooru just had that effect on him. It was when Tooru smirked again, leaning down to nip at Hajime's ear lobe, that he decided he'd had enough of being there. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep himself under control, especially with desire messing with his brain and Tooru's body still way too close to his own.

It was about time he took his leave.

Bringing Tooru up with him as he stood, Hajime coughed in order to get his companions' attention. "I think I'll be taking this one tonight, I'll return to work tomorrow."  _Ugh, again, so gross._

Tooru pouted beside him, but his hand tightened in his regardless.

After a few whistles and other crude remarks Hajime chose to block out, he practically rushed Tooru into one of the private rooms the establishment had, and had his fill.

Tooru's body responded to every touch, every kiss and nip, back bowing enticingly against the bed as Hajime rid him of all articles of clothing except the sash (Tooru called him a pervert, he chose to ignore the comment).

Tooru didn't keep in his voice, letting it bounce off the walls with each thrust of Hajime's hips as the shorter drove into him, the slapping of skin against skin mixing with the bells on Tooru's waist. Hajime's mind was a storm of lewdness and adoration, because Tooru looked absolutely beautiful and filthy all at once, face flushed and drooling.

It was never enough, once a prince always a prince. Tooru was insatiable, locking his legs around Hajime's waist, ankles knocking against his lower back in an attempt to urge him deeper,  _harder_ , and Hajime was too all too happy to comply.

_"More..."_

_"I missed you so mu-ah!"_

_"Yes...please..."_

_"Tooru...I'm--"_

Anyone standing outside the door had probably gotten an earful, but Hajime didn't care enough to be embarrassed, all he could focus on was Tooru beneath him, coming undone.

The hours passed like that, until eventually they were both too weak limbed and spent to continue. Hajime stayed though, stayed as long as he was permitted, wrapped up in Tooru and getting updated on what his life had been like, who he was, what he'd been doing.

Just hearing the other's voice made Hajime feel at home, like he'd finally found peace once again.

It had been the perfect setup for a happy cycle, and Hajime could almost let himself imagine the rest of their lives together as they laid in the large bed, hands tracing over every line and curve of each other. Tooru was ticklish in the same spots, was as talkative as always, and Hajime wanted to keep him there forever, at least until the next life.

Unfortunately, it was wishful thinking.

The months passed, happily at first, with Hajime visiting Tooru every chance he got.

He should've known better.

\--

"What do you mean you're engaged?" The silence was thick between them, the night air congested and Hajime wished more than anything for it to be a nightmare. Tooru's heartbroken tone ripped Hajime to shreds, the sob he was holding in barely restrained as he visited the dancer's home.

Tooru was already close to crying, the flashes of denial and anger alternating every now and again in those brown eyes.

'I'm sorry. Why does this keep happening? Why can't we be together?'

All those questions and more were unspoken, hanging dreadfully in the air.

Hajime's voice was cracked and pathetic when he managed to find it. "It's an arranged marriage for uniting my brother's company, I have no choice. If I say no..." He didn't have to say it. The punishment would be steep. He and Tooru had lived through many a times, but laws were still harsh, penalties still grave. Running away was out of the question too, in the country they were in. They'd be found, and Hajime would spare Tooru as much pain as he could, loyal to the end.

Maybe this pain was worse though, it certainly felt like it.

They spent their last few nights together locked up in Tooru's room, holding each other and cursing the universe, and Hajime was getting so tired of the words 'next time.' What was the point of getting reincarnated if it was going to be this torturous? He didn't ask for much out of his life, out of any of them. Sure, he had new ambitions, new goals each time, but what stood out above it all was Tooru. He wanted to be with his love, with the other half of his bond, the one the universe had dubbed worthy in the first place.

It was bullshit.

Maybe the universe really wasn't just indifferent like Tooru had theorized, maybe it was as sadistic as he feared.

Tooru sniffed in his arms, the tears having barely stopped, and Hajime pulled him closer.

"Promise you'll visit me?"

Hajime breathed in shakily, trying to keep it together for both of their sakes, but the setting sun outside made him feel nauseous and torn up. He had to leave soon. "An...affair would be dangerous."

Tooru stiffened, laughing ruefully even as he kissed Hajime's neck. "You're right. It wouldn't be worth it, if you got in trouble."

Hajime hated when Tooru sounded so lost, it wasn't like him. He wanted the confident, headstrong prince back, and he'd do whatever it took to make Tooru happy again.

"Idiot, it's always worth it with you."

Hajime's bride was nice, but she didn't love him any more than he loved her. The rest of his life passed by uneventfully, lacking the love and passion expected of a marriage, a business transaction until the end. With all the new duties and events he had to manage, he didn't have time to go out anymore, his body stuck at a desk or beside his wife for the next few decades. All the while, his mind was filled with the jingle of sashes and the music of dancers, the promise of 'next time' always too far away.

Once in the middle of it all, he pondered running away, fed up with not having Tooru by his side.

He was beaten to it. His brother, unhappy with his own marriage, had attempted to flee with a lower class girl from town, but it had ended as ugly as Hajime had feared. They were found. There wasn't even a funeral.

Hajime slept alone every night, all hopes of being with Tooru in this lifetime crushed to bits after the incident. His dreams reminded him of more pleasant times, of sneaking out of royal parties and picking flowers in the palace courtyard, and his first thought each time he woke up was 'next time.' Always 'next time.'

\--

The mild cycles were probably the hardest, the ones which promised everything but then denied them last minute.

The life where Tooru was a prisoner and Hajime was a dungeon overseer, or the one where Hajime was Tooru's terminally ill patient.

It was increasingly painful, each failed attempt, each cycle where something went wrong, and Hajime couldn't take it anymore.

Still, despite all the frustration and heartbreak, the moments he did get with Tooru, no matter how brief or painful, were ones he wouldn't trade for anything.

Whether it be for only five minutes or five months, he searched through the crowds, traveled as far as he could. It was all worth it for those precious seconds and fleeting exchanges.

He couldn't say he had bad memories when it came to Tooru after all. Some cycles, no matter how brief, ended up leaving him with some of his most cherished memories.

A few lives later, Hajime had lost count as to which, maybe the twentieth or so, he and Tooru rode bikes by the coast. Or at least, that was the moment which stuck out the most. The wind blowing in Tooru's hair and the open air of the shoreline.

Hajime was a scientist barely beginning to catalog marine life, and Tooru was simply someone who crossed by the sea to get to his job. It was a humble profession, and it came with a measly income. However, it benefited Hajime greatly. He got to travel, got to sail up and down the coasts of the world, always looking.

The day had been overcast and windy, the harsh coastal breeze chilling him to the bone and threatening to tear the loose pages of his notebook away. He'd begun to scribble the notes on the local sea plants, sketching them messily on the next page, when his mind began to wander, and the soft tendrils turned into perfect curls and curves. He had Tooru's face engraved in his brain. He knew it like the back of his hand, the lines which formed when Tooru smiled, the wrinkles in his forehead when he was thinking, the roundness of his eyes...

Before Hajime knew it, he'd wasted a good hour of daylight sketching his beloved, and feeling colder than before.

When he decided to go purchase water at a stand less than a mile up the shore, he wondered if he was being delusional, because right there, tugging a shitty bike behind him, was Tooru.

There was the usual moment of alignment, where Hajime's breath stopped and his body felt cleansed, telling him  _finally_.

Hajime hadn't known then whether or not the cycle would work out, was incredibly fearful about how it would be ruined, like it always was...but he didn't mind. Not when Tooru was reaching for him, abandoning his bike to fall into the sand while he rushed forward.

Regardless of how it ended, it had been one of his favorite lives.

_"So...you're a nerd in this life Hajime?" Tooru's taunts didn't have much strength, considering how he was giving Hajime the fondest look imaginable. Tooru was gripping the other's wrists harshly, as if still not believing he was real even after catching up for the past hour. Hajime had to control himself, had to keep his breathing steady, because when Tooru was looking at him so affectionately..._

_He wanted to drown in it._

_So, he did what he knew would distract him. Hajime fired back._

_"Yeah. I finally know what it's like being you."_

_"How dare!"_

They spent time together like that for a few months after finding each other at a shoddy beach shack in the middle of the summer, isolating themselves from the world and dropping everything. They swam in the ocean and curled up together every night, Tooru asking him questions about ocean creatures and whether or not sea monsters existed, and it was times like those that made Hajime the happiest, just existing with Tooru, as it was always meant to be. It was times like those which made Hajime believe the universe was doing them a solid, finally backing off, though he felt deep down it wasn't the case.

"Do you remember when we used to sneak out of the palace at night?" Tooru said sleepily as he curled up to Hajime under their thick blanket. The material was a bit itchy, not completely free of sand, but Hajime wasn't complaining at all. He was over the moon. Tooru's body was bare and warm, and Hajime's fingers drifted across the sun kissed skin, stopping teasingly at his lower back.

"Yeah, you were so damn loud we almost got caught each time."

"It was your fault!" Tooru sat up, a pout on his face, and Hajime kissed him because why not? It was never enough with Tooru. The other's eyes widened, and then he pouted further, muttering a half-hearted 'unfair.'

Hajime snorted, it was too easy to tease the other, no matter how long he'd been at it. Still, he remembered what Tooru was talking about. Hajime had been a royal bodyguard for the prince of course, but his quarters were in the lower levels of the palace. Yet, he'd still risk his whole welfare to sneak up to the high rooms, finding Tooru's door unlocked because the prince was waiting for him all along. Hajime tightened his hold around Tooru's shoulders as the events replayed in his mind, Tooru and him sneaking into the kitchen to steal bread and then sitting on the balcony for long hours into the night, retiring to the prince's room for rushed kisses and muffled moans.

Yeah, this was nice. Being on the beach, having Tooru in his arms with no need to head back anytime soon. But...Hajime's favorite lifetime was definitely the first, but not for any reason other than it was the longest he'd gotten to be with the other, the life where he'd fallen in love.

Tooru's pout was gone, his eyes just watching Hajime now, and the air of adoration consumed the small space of their tent. It was late, but he didn't want to sleep. There was never enough time, and if he was being honest he was afraid. He was afraid because it felt like Tooru could disappear at any moment. There was still so much to say, so much he wanted to do and share with the other.

Tooru ran a hand through his hair, a genuine and knowing grin spreading out on his face. It was terrifying sometimes, how easily Tooru could read people.

"Hajime, let's go stargazing huh?"

And Hajime thought, yeah, who needs sleep?

Out of all the cycles they'd lived through so far, it was one of the most peaceful.

Tooru loved the sea and the unpolluted sky near the beach, watching in awe as the stars came out at night, and Hajime kissed his neck and pulled him close in their tent, relishing in the half-hearted shoves and laughter he got in return.

He wished it was like that every lifetime, for the whole time. He and Tooru, together. But of course, Hajime had hoped too soon. He didn't know why it was a surprise anymore, but it hurt all the same.

The universe decided that it wasn't quite their time yet, their lives called them back to work and their studies, to responsibilities, and after those few months of paradise, all able bodied men were drafted for a foreign war, and Hajime never saw Tooru again.

\--

By the end of the next few heaps of cycles, Tooru was pretty fucking done. Also, the world had packaged bread, and this magical thing called cereal, and he was so happy he was reincarnated this time (if Hajime hadn't been, he was going to be double pissed though).

The cool thing about reincarnating, though it was mostly a bitch, was that he got to see the world change and evolve around him. He never knew what to expect next, and his mind drank it all in, all the new knowledge and innovation. Still, nothing was really the same without Hajime there. It got agonizing to wait, to live through so many lives with the torturous uncertainty that he wouldn't be seeing the other at all, but Tooru still felt he had luck on his side.

His name was still different, wasn't the same as his first life, not  _yet_ , so he still had some cycles to go.

He ignored the feeling in his gut that wondered if the universe would be so cruel as to give Hajime the surname Iwaizumi before giving Tooru that of Oikawa once again.

He pushed the feeling down in favor of the article he was reading.

It was a bit easier to search for Hajime at least, because there were newspapers and radio ads he could put out and disguise as labor searches, but Tooru was poor in this life, and it was difficult to constantly scrape together money in order to call out to his love, and forget travelling.

The cycle was proving to be rather difficult, and Tooru came close to giving up when he turned twenty six and still hadn't found him ( _maybe he's not in this life..._ ).

It was a terrible thought, but once Tooru considered the possibility, it was hard to let it go. It wasn't the first time it had happened in their thirty...thirty five cycles? Whatever. It sucked no matter what, being denied the chance to meet the other at all.

Life went on regardless.

Tooru took the train to work every morning, mood sour until he had to put on a happy face for his co-workers. If Hajime was there, he'd probably scold him, make fun of him for being worried about wrinkles yet frowning like an old man. He'd had experience of course.

Tooru laughed to himself. That cycle, one of the earlier ones, with them both being old and crotchety had been fun. But...Tooru wished they been able to grow into that, instead of finding each other too late.

He sighed, and then made his way onto the train.

That's how his days went for months, and honestly, Tooru had pathetically resigned himself to believing he would be alone this time, no trace of Hajime or word of him anywhere. He could've been dead, old, young, hell he could've been a fucking  _dog_ , and Tooru had no way of knowing. By the time he turned twenty seven, he'd lost any hope for a sign.

So when he caught the other's eyes at the train station despite that on one fateful summer day, he allowed himself to foolishly think the universe was finally being kind. _This is it. This time for sure._

Idiot.

Tooru had rushed to him, pushing past people without a care until he'd collided with the other with a crushing force. It had been okay though, Hajime knew how to catch him. Tooru started crying, as he usually did, peppering the other's face with kisses to the displeasure of some of the passing crowd, but he wasn't concerned. Hajime was holding him, his world made sense once more, and now they could live out the rest of the cycle together, Tooru wouldn't let it slip away again.

Hajime seemed to share the sentiment, staring at him fondly, and Tooru was invincible in that moment. This was everything he'd ever wanted. It was amazing for but five seconds before Tooru felt as if ice water had been dumped down his back.

"Hajime! I'm so happy you're--"

" _I found y--!_ "

Tooru blinked stupidly, his body going stiff as he stared into Hajime's eyes, and they both seemed to think the same thing. His stomach twisted in annoyance, the dread manifesting before Tooru knew what was going on himself.  _No way. No fair. I heard wrong._

Clearing his throat, Tooru spoke again, voice hesitant and probably menacing. He didn't know when he started imagining the universe as some evil twelve year old girl, but it seemed pretty accurate seeing what was going on.  _Oh please no_... "Hajime...say something..."

Hajime's brow furrowed, and then his eyes flashed in fear, and  _oh man that's not good._

" _What did you say?_ " Tooru didn't understand a word of it. The syllables and pronunciations were too quick and foreign, like nothing he'd ever remotely studied in school. They stood frozen, and people were beginning to eye them suspiciously since they were still in the middle of the damn station lobby. Tooru didn't have the mental capacity to worry about that right now though, because...

_Fuck_.

Hajime wasn't any better. He looked ready to burst, and the realization cemented itself fully for both of them when they glanced down to the luggage Hajime was carrying. There was a sticker of a flag from another country, along with the words 'University Exchange Program."

There was a beat of strained air, in which they both made a pathetic croaking sound, and then they both proceeded to lose their shit.

Tooru spun away, pacing a few feet before coming back with his hands fisted painfully in his hair. Hajime was barely standing.  _"_ Are you  _freaking_ kidding me right now? You're joking right?"

Hajime licked his lips, resting his hands on his knees in an effort to balance himself as Tooru freaked out a few feet away. _"T-Tooru calm down...obviously we speak totally separate languages...but it could be worse...um..."_

"Oh my god, I don't even know what you just said  _oh my_ \--"

_"Shut up for a sec!"_ Hajime growled, looking momentarily satisfied when Tooru halted. Good, at least the language of 'shut the hell up' was universal. Then again, momentarily, was the key word.

After a split second, Tooru's face was twisting into a petulant scowl, and Hajime almost knew the words without understanding them. "Did...did you just tell me to shut up? In a foreign tongue?!" For good measure, Tooru brought a hand up to his chest in dramatic offense, other hand laid out as if expecting an apology.

Don't get him wrong, he was overjoyed that Hajime existed and was there in front of him, but this was downright stupid.  _Of all the rotten tricks..._

Hajime raised a brow at him, as if to say 'really?' and Tooru didn't know whether to kiss him senseless or hit him.

Two could play at this game though, language barrier or not.

"Rude Iwa-chan!" Tooru said, lips tilting up into a smug grin as he gestured to the sticker on his suitcase. "Can't believe they even let you into such a fancy program, what kind of exchange student doesn't speak a word of the host tongue? I'm so disappointed in you..."

Tooru felt chills go through him when Hajime's eyes snapped to meet his, squinting and trying to process the tone and expression Tooru gave off.

Then, it seemed to kick in.

_Ha_.

Hajime smacked him with his luggage, pretty hard, but Tooru laughed in between his cries of pain.  _Worth it._  " _I don't know what the hell you just said but I know it was something shitty."_

"I love you too Hajime."

The shorter paused, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates, and Tooru felt his face flush a bright red. Ah, so Hajime  _did_ know some phrases in Tooru's language.  _Seriously? It's not the first time I've said it...so why...after all this time..._

Hajime bit his lip, dropping his luggage carelessly in favor of cupping Tooru's jaw, hands gentle despite the previous bickering. Tooru knew the answer to his own question, he knew why.  _I missed you. I can never say it enough._

The panicked atmosphere melted away, and Tooru got lost in those bluish gray eyes, his body exhaling all the stress and longing it had built up over the years.

" _I love you,_ " Hajime said, brushing a stray tear which was beginning to form away from Tooru's eye. The taller didn't know what it meant, but judging from the fondness in Hajime's voice, he had a pretty good idea.

Clumsily, Tooru repeated it back, the string of foreign words butchered by his mouth, and he laughed when Hajime snorted, pulling him in close and not letting him go.

\--

That cycle was more bittersweet than anything else, after all, eventually Hajime had to go back to his home country, and their separation was prolonged once again. Still, the countless years of writing letters and sending emails in poorly translated script which took too long to decipher wasn't exactly unpleasant (if only to see the mass amount of effort Tooru put into it).

During Hajime's initial stay, he sat cooped up with Tooru in his apartment or at the school lounge, rifling through books and trying to learn a full language in the span of a semester. It worked about as well as one would think, but boy, did Hajime try. He tried so hard, read up on basic, cheesy phrases and grammar rules, made flashcards for new words, did anything to sharpen his speech. He wanted to talk to Tooru,  _needed_ to.

In the end, he could only manage some broken sentences here and there, but Tooru hadn't seemed to mind at all, happily curling up with Hajime on the bed or eating dinner together quietly, and it wasn't at all uncomfortable (maybe sad at times though). It didn't matter, because Hajime knew how to catch Tooru's tears and Tooru knew how to do the same for him. They knew each other so well, understood every look and tick, and it was almost as if they were having a conversation in the silence of the room, every smile and touch engrossing Hajime fully.

\--

It didn't matter how many cycles passed after that, Tooru was antsy in each one. He'd be relieved, finding that his last name wasn't Oikawa, because it meant he had another chance. Sadly, it also meant the universe had another opportunity to ruin his life, since he still had time left.

It didn't much affect his outlook on things. Regardless of if he was Oikawa Tooru or not, he searched for Hajime just as tirelessly, letting his love guide him through every obstacle. He wouldn't give up.

It didn't completely dull the sting though, whenever he passed away, without Hajime by his side. But he couldn't dwell on it.

As the edges of the world faded around him, his body succumbing to old age, Tooru repeated it to himself over and over.

_As long as I'm not Oikawa Tooru, it's not my last chance._

_I’ll find you, Hajime._

Then the world was swallowed up by darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha....I’m finally here with this after so many months fff forgive me. School has been really hectic, and while I finished this a while ago I wanted to make sure it was fully edited and polished before I posted ^^ Big thanks to EmeraldWaves for reading it over as always <3 It was nice to finish my first iwaoi fic, and I hope to write more in the future! I love these two ; ;

_“There’s something unusual about us._  
Something deeply spiritual.   
The way we fall into one another   
so naturally like our love was carved of the earth.   
There are star systems   
bursting at our fingertips when we touch.   
We are in tune.   
Our hearts croon the same old song.   
The universe planned for us. I know it. I know it.”

_Beau Taplin_

_\--_

It was as the cycles went by, that things began to change, and remembering each other was no longer a guarantee. Tooru could still remember it, the first time it had happened, when he'd seen Hajime in the road and had run up to him in excitement, only to be pushed away in confusion.

He hadn't known how to react then. It felt even worse than Hajime not being there at all, at least at first. Watching his eyes squint in skepticism and loss at Tooru, who he was supposed to love...it was unbearable. Tooru had needed to regroup for several days, to figure out what to do, and mostly just to let out his anguish in private. Of course, of course things would get harder and harder. He could never be cut a break could he?

Tooru was severely stubborn though, if not downright confrontational, even with things like fate. At the end of things, it really was impossible for him to stay away from Hajime, the connection was too strong, memories or none. If Hajime didn't remember who he was, so be it. Tooru loved him, and they were destined to be  _something_ to each other, no matter the life. So, Tooru stuck by his side, made him his friend, and more often than not, they fell in love. They always would. Well, at least, when they were given the chance, the correct circumstances. It hardly panned out well every time, but Tooru pushed past failures to the back of his mind whenever he could, making sure to learn from them, but not let them sway his resolve.

Besides, he wasn't always the only one who had to suffer through the amnesia...

So it went, the cycles passing by again, sometimes one of them remembered, and sometimes neither did. It actually tended to be harder on Hajime than it was on Tooru, the shorter man had told him so during one of the rare cycles where they  _did_ recognize each other.

"It's just...too weird," Hajime admitted gruffly, holding Tooru close so he wouldn't disappear. "Having you look at me like I'm a stranger."

"Oh?" Tooru said with a teasing smile as he pulled away to peer at the other's face, but faltered when he saw Hajime's serious expression. There it was, those eyebrows pulled down tight, scowling at nothing in the distance, like there was some sort of threat on the horizon. Not even centuries piled upon decades could erase those guard instincts, Tooru figured, but he knew it was also more than that, when it came to moments like this. The air between them was stiff, a hidden confession laced in it which Tooru debated prying about. What were the cons of it though? They were supposed to be honest with each other, and besides...

Who knew how much time was left, how much time until they saw each other again, both of them aware...

Tooru bit his lip, clutching the other's hand tighter. "Why is that?"

Hajime looked at him incredulously, and paused, as if waiting for Tooru to claim he'd been kidding or something. Ah but little did he know, Tooru was a prince at heart, and he loved the attention, the affection and desire, but especially when it came from Hajime.

Well actually, he probably knew it very well, which was why Tooru received a gentle shove for the question.

"Stupid..." Hajime sighed as Tooru snorted, the insult way too soft to hold any real power behind it, as he trailed his hand slowly down the former prince's face. His hands were smooth, not those of the worker Hajime had been in the past life...or maybe it was a few lives ago. Tooru had lost count, but regardless of that, the touch felt heavenly. " _That's_ why. You're not supposed to look at me like you don't know me, you're supposed to be annoying and demand me to kiss you, or scold me for not being romantic, or laugh too loud...and smile like that...and just, you're supposed to be mine."

Hajime whispered the last of the admittance while Tooru beamed at him, all too convinced that nothing would change this, not a lack of memories or otherwise. Hajime would always be so caring, so protective, so open. Not to mention, he'd be Tooru's. Hajime would never have to worry about it, as long as they never gave up the search, things would work out. That's what he told himself, despite the hardships the universe had delivered them.

There was a reason their time wasn't up yet, after all. Because as many moments as the universe took away, it gave him more than an ordinary couple would get in a singular lifetime, and he couldn't resent it fully.

Qualms eased, even if just for the moment, Tooru fell back into his rightful place, lounging against Hajime's chest, and let sleep take him. "I am. I will be."

It were times like these which made the grief of the previous lives worth it, and fed into Tooru's drive more than anything. Though they didn't know when their time would be up, or what the last cycle would hold, should it ever come, Tooru could only hope it would be better than all the ages before it.

\--

It was hot out, he could tell from how his tank top clung to his back, his skin way too sticky for his liking. It was summer, his favorite time of year, not only because of his birthday, but just the general activities summer brought with it. He loved going to the park, playing with the hose, going to water parks, what was better? The heat was the only thing which was unfair, but it was even worse when he was forced to stand in it for one too many hours. His small hands worked to fan himself as he stood in the middle of the garden, causing him more exhaustion than relief, and he groaned loudly, his seven year old mind too focused on his comfort than to debate his surroundings.

He was probably lost. One minute his mother was scolding him to pay attention to the teacher, and the next he was by himself, searching for a glass of water or an air conditioned room. He hadn't wanted to go on this school trip, but he didn't exactly have a lot of friends, and some of the neighborhood kids had been talking nonstop about going, so his mother had signed his permission slip without so much as asking him if he even wanted to go.

In the end, it had been a lot of fun, the bus ride being loud and full of songs. The museum hadn't been boring at all, with lots of wax figures and fossils, plus an entire exhibit on space. Tooru had practically begged in the middle of the gift shop for his mother to buy him some books, and was more than happy with the result, skipping along with his shopping bag as the group walked along.

The last portion of the trip was a walk through the gardens, and while the flowers were pretty, his small attention span could only take so much, and he'd been getting restless, coupled with the blazing sun outside. So naturally, he'd wandered off, and was now stuck in the middle of the garden, lost among other touring school groups as he took another left turn down an unmarked path. Not like he was the best at reading anyways, especially when it came to the names of flowers.

Tooru fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt, willing himself not to panic and cry because he couldn't find his mom. He was a big kid now, he couldn't cry! He would just wait until she found him...

He'd probably be in tons of trouble, and he hoped she wouldn't take his books away, but the odds of him finding her himself were slim, and so with a pout, he plopped down on an abandoned viewing bench. The area of the garden was less popular, probably because most people were interested in the roses, but Tooru actually found them sort of boring. His mother grew those in the front yard, he saw them everyday, unlike the ones which were widely planted around the bench. These ones though, they were cool...

Or, he assumed they would be, when they bloomed.

Scattered in front of the bench were many young flower buds, small and shrunken up, almost sad looking, and it was no wonder people passed them by without as much as a glance. But Tooru looked at the informational stand next to them, felt his eyes widen in wonder at the pictured flower. In it, it was in full bloom, pure white and something out of fantasy, at least in Tooru's imagination. It looked magical, like a moon flower, and he cooed in awe.

He couldn't read much of the description since there were some big words laced in there, but he read that these flowers only bloomed at night, which made them all the cooler.

_Epiphyllum oxypetalum._

Tooru wasn't going to even try pronouncing it. He felt his eyes water slightly, probably from his allergies, but something about the name made his tummy feel strange, and he squinted at the blurry words again. His mom was right, he probably did need glasses. So lame!

Tooru backed away, biting his lip as he plopped back down onto the bench, skin tingly but not wanting to move away from the buds for some reason. He decided he liked them a lot, even if he never got to see them bloom.

Tooru rubbed the small tears from his eyes, opting to swing his legs to deal with his returning surge of energy, when he heard shouts from a few feet away.

"Hey, watch where you're stepping!" One of the boys, his skin tan from the sun and knees a bit too scuffed up, yelled at two older boys, the soil beneath their feet disturbed.

"C'mon, they're dumb flowers, stop being a wuss!" One of the older boys laughed, giving another kick for good measure. Tooru looked around for adults, but found none, and his chocolate brown eyes widened when he took a closer look, rising from the bench. Lying in the dirt, Tooru could see shreds of flower buds, the same kind he'd been looking at. The moon flower. Tooru bristled instantly, wanting to go over there and yell at the two laughing boys, who seemed less than sorry about purposefully stomping over the garden. But he didn't have to, someone beat him to it.

The boy who had yelled before, who seemed to be about Tooru's age, his cheeks still holding onto their baby fat, aimed a fierce scowl at them. "You still can't step on them! They were trying to grow there stupid!"

But the other two just laughed, running to catch up to another tour group, and leaving the boy in the dust grumbling to himself. Tooru's stared at the boy, impressed with his lack of fear when confronting the older kids, and instantly respected him for trying to save the flowers. Hesitantly, Tooru began to walk over, shy steps unheard as he drew nearer to the other's back. The boy leaned down to his knees, unaware of Tooru's presence, and began scooping the dirt back into the respective planter, the only thing he really could do.

For whatever reason, it made Tooru smile. Yet, he was too nervous to outright go up to the boy and introduce himself, so he waited until the other was done with his task, Tooru's hands tight on the handle of his tearing plastic bag.

After scooping the dirt, the boy still didn't move though, his form sighing as he looked up at one of the informational images, seeing the moon flower pictured in full bloom, and Tooru watched as his grey eyes stared in fascination, his mouth forming a small 'o' at the flower.

_They're pretty right?!_  Tooru wanted to say, but the words got stuck in his throat for some unknown reason. He tended to be shy at first, but give him something to go on, and he never shut up, so why...

They boy hadn't even looked at him directly, but Tooru thought his face was kind of weird, his eyes familiar. Maybe they went to the same school, or something.

Tooru shook his head. It didn't really matter, he was being weird staring! He rustled his bag, switching to hold it in his left hand, and closed the distance between himself and the other. "Aren't they cool! I wish we could be here at night so we could see..."

The boy jumped, and Tooru expected as much, but he smiled innocently nonetheless, enjoying the flustered reaction. The boy hid his face instead of fully facing him, which was weird, but Tooru kept going, never one for not bulldozing into things. "You think they're pretty too yeah? I'm glad you saved them--"

"They're not." The response was swift, and would've been intimidating if not for the other's flustered tone, the tips of his ears tinged red, and Tooru didn't think it was because of the sun.

Tooru blinked at him, eyes wide and confused, and tried his best to bite his lower lip to show it. It was hard, given some of his front teeth were missing, but he managed for a few seconds before his lip slipped back into place. "Huh?"

The boy's shoulders tensed, and after a few seconds of silence (which Tooru did  _not_ handle well), the seven year old began hopping in place, his books jostling along with him as he was unable to stand still. The other boy could probably tell from the side, even if he wasn't directly looking at Tooru, and after a few more seconds, he groaned, fed up with the fact Tooru wasn't going away. He turned, and their eyes met, and something caused Tooru to swallow air too quickly, like he'd been punched in the stomach.

He saw the grey eyes widen for a split second before Tooru bent over, unable to stop coughs from erupting from his throat. It was almost like when he stood in front of a barbeque pit for too long, the smoke stinging his eyes and making his chest hurt. He choked, sputtering awkwardly as the boy in front of him remained stone still.

It was weird, embarrassing even, and probably rude. Tooru felt his face flush, the light sunburn he was sporting probably becoming more illuminated than before, and jerked up to face the other boy again. "U-uh...sorry!"

The other stayed partly frozen for another second, but soon the mild scowl was back, whatever shock which was there before having disappeared completely. "Whatever weirdo, what do you want?"

Tooru huffed at the name, his small fists clenching as he gave the other a teasing smile.  _Fine, be that way._  "I wanted to say that I also think those flowers are pretty, just like you do!"

He got another blush for that, and Tooru deemed it a success, even as the boy started to deny it. "I-I do not! That's lame!"

"But you were staring--"

"No I wasn't," the boy denied quickly, crossing his arms with a glare, which Tooru thought must be pretty uncomfortable. Maybe his face would get stuck like that if he kept it up. "Who cares anyways..."

"I do!" Tooru said, and the other's eyes flashed up at him, eyeing Tooru's wide smile in suspicion. "It was really cool of you to save them, great even!"

He was rewarded with another blush, plus the other stuttering, trying to get a response out, but Tooru didn't mind. He smiled wider, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he swung his bag back and forth happily.

"W-whatever," the other finally said, slumping forward in defeat and embarrassment, and Tooru finally took note of the key chain attached to one of his belt loops. It was the name of a local school, not Tooru's but a nearby elementary, and Tooru would've jumped had he been alone.

He didn't know the other well, but...Tooru felt like they had to be friends for some reason. The other seemed funny, not to mention brave, and he'd told those guys off, so he couldn't be bad right?

Tooru kicked at the dirt shyly, watching as the dirt from the path mucked up the white of his new shoes, before he actually found courage to talk again. "Hey...do you wanna be my friend?" Tooru mumbled, the words pouring out of him easily, considering how bad he was at initiating friendships usually. It was probably an out of the blue request, but if the boy rejected the offer, it wasn't like Tooru would see him again. He'd probably cry later, but only his mom would see that. "You go to school nearby, and you seem really nice so..."

The other's eyes bore into him, and Tooru couldn’t help but continue to find them weird, his gut twisting and his palms clammy, but he got nervous a lot, and he figured it was that.

Eventually the other boy grunted, shrugging in his own show of nerves, and nodded. "Yeah, sure."

And suddenly Tooru forgot he was tired at all, hopping on the balls of his feet and grinning without hesitation. He wanted to tell everyone, wanted to go into a mile a minute spiel about what he liked and how they could play together on weekends, and ask the other all types of questions, but a shout for him in the distance cut those plans short.

Uh oh.

His mother did not sound happy, that was for sure.

Tooru groaned, pout evident as he started down the path, walking backwards and attempting not to trip over his own feet. "Meet me at the central park tomorrow! Okay?"

The other nodded, smiling back at Tooru for the first time, and he felt like his heart was going to burst from how hard it was beating.

_Oh wait!_

"My name's Oikawa Tooru!" He heard his mother call for him again in the distance, and he hurried, but managed to catch the other's loud reply, and made sure he'd never forget it.

"Iwaizumi Hajime!"

Something in his stomach twisted again pleasantly, and he thought the name fit the face perfectly.  _Iwa-chan._

\--

By Tooru's next birthday, they were inseparable, and he wouldn't hesitate to call Hajime his best friend if he was asked. In fact, he said it often  _without_ being asked, usually resulting in Hajime elbowing him--hard--but whatever. It was true. They slept at each other's houses every weekend, watching movies or going to the local pool to swim, making the most of wherever they were. Hajime taught him how to climb trees, and Tooru taught him how to ride his bike without falling into the dirt every time. Sometimes they camped out in the backyard, and Hajime was getting a lot better at suffering through Tooru's long talks about constellations and aliens. They watched documentaries sometimes too, and Hajime complained when Tooru couldn't sleep from fear if they watched a more mature one. But hey, he always stayed with Tooru anyways, so he figured it was fine to be scared around the other.

_You have to protect me Iwa-chan!_

_If aliens really do come, I'm letting them take you._

Sometimes when they went and played, they'd get hurt, and while Hajime tended to take it in stride, there were times Tooru couldn't stop a tear or two from spilling. Hajime would just walk over though, wiping them away from Tooru's cheeks like they were nothing, and waiting until he was ready to play again…

_Tooru’s lip trembled as he saw Hajime run over to him, concern etched on his face. Tooru was trying so hard not to let the tears spill, but he knew he couldn’t resist, he’d never been able to. Eventually he tasted the salt and felt the sting in his eyes, little hiccups forcing themselves out of his mouth as Hajime knelt down to his side._

_Hajime looked at the light scrape on Tooru’s leg, the skin burning slightly from sliding on the concrete. He’d been trying to catch up to Hajime, not realizing how uncoordinated he was in his new shoes. Wordlessly, Hajime pulled out a bandage, the ones his mom made him carry because Hajime always got hurt, and gently placed one over the small cut.  Tooru sniffled all the while, trying to not seem too lame. It was such a small injury, Hajime probably thought something was seriously wrong with him for crying._

_But Hajime’s eyes lifted to meet Tooru’s, pretty and squinting in the sunlight, and then reached to wipe away the few stray tears on Tooru’s cheek. Hajime’s hand was dirty from playing in the dirt earlier, no doubt leaving a smudge on Tooru’s pale skin, but the brunet didn’t much care right then._

_Tooru allowed himself to be pulled back on his feet and be lead towards the playground up ahead, his sniffles dying down until they were nonexistent. He looked forward at Hajime’s back, noting the other was walking slower than usual, maybe so Tooru didn’t have to keep up with him as much like before, and it made Tooru’s heart beat weirdly._

_The brunet fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt, unsure of how to proceed. He felt like something had to be said, but he didn’t understand what. But if anything, he knew where to start, if only to give himself some peace of mind._

_“Iwa-chan…I’m sorry for crying,” Tooru whispered, the silence too much for him to bear without addressing his worries. He got like this sometimes still, wondering if Hajime wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore because of his habits or sensitivity, or maybe he talked too much, or maybe—_

_“Why? You can’t help it,” Hajime replied, eyes going wide in surprise as he paused in his walk towards the playground. He shrugged then, not paying much attention to Tooru’s own gasp, and grabbed the brunet’s hand softly, leading him towards the monkey bars._

It was as simple as that, and while Hajime gave him grief about all sorts of other things, he never made Tooru feel like his emotions were a bother. He learned it was okay to cry in front of Hajime too then, the other never made fun of him, and with every day, Tooru felt happier and happier to have met him.

_Iwa-chan! Am I your best friend?_

_Don't ask stupid questions....duh._

Yeah, he was definitely glad he'd gotten lost at the museum that one time.

The days went by too fast in Tooru's opinion though. He was more than okay in whining whenever Hajime had to go home, because they had school the next day, and Tooru wouldn't be able to see him until the following weekend. Going to different schools stunk, but if he got his homework done early, his mom would let them call, and it sort of made things okay. Breaks were especially fun, because then they could stay together every night, and as long as they were quiet, they could stay up as late as they wanted. 

It almost wasn't a treat when Tooru's parents told him Hajime could stay the night after his birthday party (in fact, he'd expected as much), but Tooru was as excited as any other sleepover, simply because being with Hajime was fun no matter what. Plus, Hajime's present had secretly been his favorite, being a planet projector for his room, which no doubt must've cost Hajime a month's worth of chores. When all his guests had left, Tooru practically ripped it open, eager to get it working, but the sun hadn't gone down yet, and for once he wished the night would come so he could power the device up.

Oh well, Hajime could entertain him until then.

"Iwa-chan, it's gonna be so cool! Now we can pretend we're camping even when it gets cold!" Tooru rushed around in excitement, meticulously organizing his presents into their assigned nooks before getting to work on deconstructing his bed and sheets. It was tradition to make a fort after all. He expected Hajime to begin helping him without prompting, since the other was aware of how things needed to be set up in order for the structure not to crumble. They'd had multiple failures in the past, but they had it down now, except for when they played a bit too roughly.

But Hajime just stood there this time, fidgeting in the entryway of Tooru's room like it  _wasn't_ his hundredth time being there, like he was unsure of what to do. Tooru paused in his removal of the bedspread, his complete focus turning to his friend, who was giving off so much anxiety Tooru thought  _he'd_ be sick. It wasn't normal for them to be uncomfortable around each other, and Tooru was worried instantly.

"Iwa-chan," Tooru said, rushing up to his friend in a split second and grabbing his hand. "Are you sick? Maybe you ate too much cake! Oh no...do you want me to ask my mom for some--"

"What? No, shut  _up_ ," Hajime said, slight color rising to his cheeks, and before Tooru could ask anything else, the other strolled over to his overnight bag, rifling through it with purpose. Tooru squeaked as Hajime threw a sweatshirt back, nearly hitting him, but was too curious to really whine about it. It wasn't like Hajime to keep stuff from him, so it must be something super secret...

Tooru almost made the move to tiptoe over and peek over Hajime's shoulder, but before his legs could move, Hajime whipped around, holding something behind his back. Tooru only caught a glance, but with his worsening eyesight, it was nothing more than a grey blob, and he pouted with the best puppy eyes he could muster. It was unfair for Hajime to take advantage of him like that, Tooru was  _blind_ , or...nearly.

Point was, he wanted to  _see_.

He drew out the whine for way longer than necessary, or he tried. He didn't get super far. "Haji-"

Hajime anticipated him, cutting him off with a glare to accompany his words. "Shut it! I got you another present loser, or it kinda is...but it's lame and I didn't put a lot of effort into it so no saying it sucks," he muttered, a little too fast, but despite the terrible presentation, Tooru felt his stomach flip wildly. It happened a lot, sometimes when he just thought of Hajime as his best friend, but knowing the other had cared enough to get him an extra gift had him vibrating in joy, he thought he might explode.

He jumped with a gasp, holding out his hands. "You did?! Give it, give it!" The sugar in his cake was probably working its magic, seeing as how the floor creaked under his tiny fit of energy.

"Hey quit it! Can you--ugh, fine!" Hajime snapped, the color rising further and spreading to his ears, and Tooru found it ridiculously cute. Hajime acted so tough and cool, but he was a big dork when it was the two of them, and Tooru laughed as he continued to pressure the other for his gift.

Hajime eventually tossed it into Tooru's face, retreating to bury his glaring face into the bed, and Tooru finally got a good look at whatever it was. When he realized what it was, with its painted on jewels and sloppy paint job, he felt his own cheeks heating up, but he didn't have time to think about why, because he was close to tackling his friend from happiness.

It was a crown. A birthday crown, one with spirals and glitter to make it shine like real silver, and while it was pretty messy, Tooru knew it took someone like Hajime, who never had a thing for crafts, forever to make. It was paper mache too, holding together like a rock in Tooru's hand, and he placed it on his head with pure delight. He saw how Hajime's eyes followed his movement, even with half his face hidden in the pillow, trained on Tooru's reaction.

The crown fit perfectly, sitting on his messy brown hair like it was meant to be, As soon as he looked in the mirror hanging by his door though, something in his stomach churned, and his brain itched, grasping for a thread he had no awareness of. It was like there was a picture in his head, showing him a real crown with bright rubies and engravings, gleaming silver. Blinking rapidly, Tooru shook his head, perplexed. It was weird, almost like a memory, but it was gone in seconds, replaced with his resolve to wear the darn thing all day. Hajime gave it to him after all, he was going to keep it for as long as possible.

Placing his hands on his hips, Tooru turned to the other boy, smile smug. "So, you think I'm a prince Iwa-chan? I knew you thought I was awesome."

Hajime threw a pillow at him, and it wasn't gentle. "Ow!"

"Be quiet, I only made it for you because of your dumb birthday," Hajime said, adding the last bit in a mumble. "Besides, you can't be a prince without marrying a princess."

Tooru made an obnoxious buzzer noise, pointing a still frosting stained finger in Hajime's face. "Wrong! To be a king I have to get married, I can be a prince if I wanna."

"You still eventually need a girl, which you'll never get," Hajime quipped, grinning at Tooru's glare.

Tooru grumbled something about it being his birthday and to be nice, but otherwise, he wasn't super eager to give a response to the insult, though he was a cute boy and would surely be a cute adult, so Hajime was dead wrong. Everyone would love him! But the idea of having a girlfriend made him grimace, like a bad smell, probably because he was too young, but there was also that nagging feeling in his head again...

God, he just wanted to turn on his projector already.

"Hm," Tooru said, pondering the point just a bit more, before shrugging and plopping next to Hajime on the bed. "Then being royal isn't worth it, if I had the choice. I just wanna spend time with Iwa-chan and play outside," he said, peeking at Hajime as the sun began to set over them. The glow was a little too warm, but it made Hajime's eyes sparkle, so Tooru couldn't bother moving. "Don't you think that's better?"

Hajime was quiet, mouth still hidden under the comforter, but his eyes were full of laughter, and other things Tooru couldn't understand, but they made him feel warmer than the sun's rays, and he decided he wanted Hajime to always look at him like that.

"Yeah, definitely."

Tooru grinned at his best friend, eventually hopping off the bed to resume their fort making, and Hajime gave him a hand this time, without question.

"I'm keeping the crown though!" 

\--

True to his annoying word, Tooru did end up keeping the crown, and it still sat worn and ugly on his shelf, atop his shining Best Setter Award. They were sixteen now, yet Hajime still saw Tooru as the lame ass he was. But, he was more than pleased as things were, sitting on his best friend's bed while the other poorly cut out clippings from various volleyball magazines.

Most boys their age probably looked at porn. Ha.

Once Tooru had an obsession, there wasn't much room for anything else. And this time, he'd dragged Hajime right along with him. When elementary school had ended, they vowed to go to the same middle school, and Tooru had suggested they try a truck load of clubs. Of course, it was easy to tell when Tooru got bored of them though, despite his proficiency in most, he left a lot of them behind until he'd fallen in love with volleyball. And well, the rest went by in a blur to Hajime, who hadn't cared about what club he was in, as long as he and Tooru could do it together. Volleyball had ended up being the most fun he'd ever had though, and like in everything else, Tooru was the best partner he could ask for. Even with the small bumps along the way...

Hajime glanced up from his own magazine as Tooru's eyes scanned over a strategy article, like he was soaking up every bit of knowledge so nothing was left, dead set on using it. If a point was particularly useful, he'd cut the page out, filing it away in his godforsaken abyss of a desk drawer. Hajime' lips quirked up in a smile, watching as Tooru's face scrunched up in displeasure, and he shifted his legs out from under him, probably since they'd fallen asleep. His legs were long, already toned, and they'd only get more so. He'd passed Hajime up in height already, but he was hoping he would hit another growth spurt to rival his friend's. His skin was smooth, porcelain and probably soft to the touch, and Hajime's fingers itched strangely. Yeah, Tooru looked healthy and strong, but Hajime remembered his tendency to overwork, the exhaustion he'd carry from late nights and long practices. Hajime trusted him now, to watch himself, but he worried all the same, always ready to offer his silent support. He wondered how the realm of high school volleyball would feed into his friend's habits, and the sudden flood of concerns had him groaning loudly.

God, he wasn't Tooru's mom, the other could take care of himself, and if he needed help, Hajime would be there  _then_!

Tooru had promised him anyways, promised not to push. In return, Hajime had promised not to get down on himself either, once he was up against the big aces.  _Pft_. Tooru was the only one who could probably say that to him without getting a long speech of denial. Hajime was calm in times of pressure, and he knew he was a good player. But...

Well, sometimes new experiences were scary, regardless of who it was. But he had grown to love the sport too much to back down. After a fun middle school volleyball career, Hajime found he wasn't satisfied with quitting just yet, his thirst for victory and the rush of spiking the ball too strong for him to resist.

"What's on your mind?" Tooru's voice cut through their comfortable silence, his crappy scissors getting stuck on the article he was cutting. His brown eyes flicked to him, relaxed and playful. "Nervous about tomorrow?"

Ah yeah, tomorrow, the first day of high school.

"Shut up, it's just school," he grunted, turning over on the small bed. He had to throw a few magazines down to make room, much to Tooru's distaste, but he could get over it.

"Aw it's okay Iwa-chan," Tooru cooed, tossing the last of his stack to the floor. "I'm sure the new team will like you very much despite your bullying tendencies."

"Die."

"And they have to like you anyways, you'll be associated with me," Tooru went on, unperturbed but having enough sense to slowly ease away from the bed as Hajime grabbed a pillow. "And since I'm so amazing, you won't have to worry at all."

He chucked the pillow hard at Tooru's grinning face, cursing when the bastard managed to dodge it swiftly, and the war was on.

They were getting too old for this, not to mention too big, especially in such a confined space, and what should've been a chase ended up being a wrestling match, with Hajime being the sure winner (as he was the undefeated champion). Tooru was strong, but a lot leaner and easier for Hajime to toss around, not to mention Tooru never put too much effort into their fights, choosing to complain instead, like that would stop Hajime from destroying him. Ha.

"You fucking arrogant...." He had Tooru in a near choke hold when the other began wheezing his surrender, and they both relaxed on the floor, breathless laughter barely slipping into the air around them. Tooru was giggling uncontrollably, and something about it made Hajime perk up. It wasn't like it was an unfamiliar sound, having grown up with the other threw many embarrassing and stupid moments, but well, giggling was not something the older Oikawa Tooru did as much, and Hajime was happy to force it out of him.

Tooru turned on his side, the hard wood of the floor dark against his fair skin, and grinned in the delight despite his loss. Weirdo. Somehow Hajime felt lighter though, thoughts of school and new teams having drifted from his mind. It was lame in fact, since distracting him had probably been Tooru's intention in the first place, and he'd fallen for it. But well, that was what friends were for he guessed.

The laughter slowly died, their chests heaving as they remained on the floor, and it was only then Hajime actually looked out the windows, and noticed evening was upon them. The day was almost over. Somehow it was always a letdown, knowing he could only stay with Tooru on weekends once the school term started. Even at the age of sixteen, it sucked.

"Hey Iwa-chan," Tooru whispered, voice small and not unlike how it used to sound as a child, right before he was about to cry. The playful air dissipated, but Hajime didn't worry about it so much, part him already knowing what Tooru was likely to bring up. The other boy had lent Hajime his hand, and now it was time for Hajime to do the same. Picking each other up, that's how things went.

"Yeah," he replied, the bubble between them growing smaller as Tooru scooted closer, unwilling to share the confession with anyone but Hajime. The thought tweaked at a memory, or maybe a dream, he wasn't sure. Them lying down, close, on the beach...

But no, they'd never camped at the beach, so...well, Hajime never was good at wrangling in his imagination when it came to the other. As kids they created all kinds of scenes, roles...

Kingdoms, villages, anything was fair game. No matter how humiliating some play dates were, he couldn't ever regret the childhood he'd shared with the brunet.

They were best friends, and he'd have to fulfill that duty now, as best he could.

"What if I don't make it on the team? What if there's a setter that's twice as good as me. A spot isn't a guarantee, and then you'll be--"

"So you'll work harder to get a spot," Hajime cut off, sharp and without room for argument. "You're a great setter now, the best, so you're just going to get better. Stop being a dumbass and just play the best you can."

Hajime turned away, feeling the red begin to bloom on the tops of his cheeks.  _Goddamnit, it's just Tooru._ Well, sappy shit was sappy shit. But he knew Tooru needed it. Glaring at the ceiling, he added on for good measure, determined to shut the other up. "No one's gonna surpass you or whatever unless you let them, and I know you won't." _I trust you._

_God, I should probably say it. Fuck it._

"I trust you," he mumbled, tucking his hands behind his head, which ended up being an awful idea given the hardwood, but there was no going back. He had to look relaxed damn it.

It was quiet again, aside from the light chatter from downstairs, where Tooru's mom was probably preparing dinner, and his decreasing time at the Oikawa household seemed closer and closer. Despite that, the spell stayed over them, like a uncharacteristic tension had formed, and Hajime wasn't used to it. Maybe with strangers, or distant family members, but not Tooru. Maybe he'd been too harsh, or not harsh enough.

Hesitantly, he turned his head, and the heat on his face all but intensified, because the last thing he'd been expecting was an expression like  _that_. Tooru's pupils were a bit bigger than normal, his eyes wide with fondness and admiration, and things Hajime simply wasn't used to being directed at him so openly. Not since they were ten at least. Tooru's cheeks were dusted with color, lips parted for a second before he bit down on the bottom lip, pulling the flesh lightly. Hajime's stomach flipped oddly, never having before seen the combination of features on Tooru, but being shockingly pleased with it. Whatever it was.

_What the fuck?_

Before he could really question it further though, Tooru sprang up to his knees, a spark of determination in his eyes as he grabbed another stack of magazines from the floor.  _Oh boy..."_ Yeah! There's no way we won't play together, and we'll be the best partners ever, just like before!"

Hajime couldn't help but smile, willing his surprise from earlier away, to be analyzed much later in the future. "But better."

"Twenty times better!" Tooru corrected smugly, and tossed a few clippings at him. "And don't fret Iwa-chan, the wise Oikawa-san will be there to help in your times of need as well."

At that, Hajime actually laughed, not even bothering to take a swing at Tooru's face. The look of offense he got instead was pretty worth it.

"Quit--"

"As if I need your help," Hajime said, though they both knew it was a lie. "I'll be the one who'll have to find you if you get lost in that damn head of yours."

"Well...I'll find you first! Ha!" Tooru stuck out his tongue, and Hajime nearly rolled his eyes, dead set on a comeback because seriously, that didn't even make sense, when the words hit him, and he jolted.

_"I'll find you."_

_...what?_

The words, though he doubted he'd ever said them to Tooru, felt weighted with grief and emotions, ones he wasn't acquainted with. His throat felt sort of dry, his eyes teary, and he wanted to inch closer to Tooru, like it was urgent. Tooru seemed to be at a loss too, under the same spell, hands frozen mid flip of a page, his lips trembling, and Hajime nearly reached out to him, his instincts telling him to soothe.

Hajime fumbled for words, but came up short, the phrase raging a war in his mind. "That doesn't even...um..."

It was like he knew too, what the words meant, like a question on a test he'd studied for hours for, but was now blanking on. He knew the answer, he knew, but he couldn't think of it for the life of him.

_"I'll find you."_

"Um," Tooru whispered, shaking his head from the daze, and from the lost look on his face, Hajime knew he'd come up short too. But in regards to what? What even was that?

"Uh, yeah," he murmured unintelligibly, the space between them suddenly too large, too thick with...whatever this feeling was.

He wondered if he should ask Tooru about it, since surely they'd both had a moment. Maybe they were just tired, maybe it was the before school jitters, he wasn't sure. But sharing it with his friend might've been a good idea either way. So why was he hesitating so much?

They weren't able to navigate the storm of confusion however, because Tooru's mom called them down for dinner a few seconds later, leaving the words in the air behind them, forgotten.

\--

The first year of high school flew by to Hajime, had rushed past him like the wind, and the second year was looking to be much the same.

They did end up being a great team though, not just him and Tooru, but Aoba Josai as a whole. They worked well together, cracked jokes, and most importantly, they'd built their trust. It was almost sad, seeing the third years play and knowing it would be their last year. Hajime would be taking their place along with Tooru, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki, but at least they all got to play together a bit longer. Besides, Tooru was working his way up the ranks, comfortable in his ways, always striving to improve. There was really no doubt Tooru would be the next captain. He had the passion and strategy, and it was a no brainer.

As much as Tooru's fan club and general popularity could annoy Hajime at times, mostly due to the noise and practice interruptions, he could see why Tooru had the admirers he did. Although, Hajime doubted the rest of them knew about the childish antics and geekiness hidden behind the stupidly pretty face.

But well, that was fine. Hajime would have to endure those himself.

He jumped, grinning as he slammed a ball down on the other side of the court, past some of the third year blockers, his spike more and more powerful by the day. He pumped his fist in the air, automatically turning to Tooru on his left, whose hands were barely coming down from his set. The brunet's body turned towards his immediately, without prompting, grin beaming a thousand watts.

"Nice Iwa-chan!"

After so many practices and games together, Hajime had gotten rather greedy with Tooru's praise, eating it up when it presented itself, and loving how the other's eyes would light up a fraction more from Hajime's. Hajime knew he stared at Tooru longer than was necessary, knew he had to train himself to look away during stretches and class, otherwise people would think something was wrong.

_Do you have to talk to Oikawa?_

_Are you mad at him or something?_

_Are you two okay?_

Ugh.

Of course, he'd gotten more and more wary of it, falling into a natural habit of sneaking his glances instead. It was abnormal for him to stare, to fixate and think about Tooru when he wasn't even there, and maybe it was weird Tooru had yet to break their eye contact as well, but...

As he'd grown and puberty had begun to take its toll, he started to realize why he probably did a lot of the stuff he did, why sleepovers were more difficult now, especially when Tooru insisted on sharing a bed sometimes, or snuggled close when they were watching movies. What he was supposed to do about this problem, he had no idea.

For now, looking into Tooru's eyes, watching his chest heave from the exercise...it was enough.

"Dang Matsukawa, we should get out of here before things go too far huh?" Hanamaki snickered from behind them, and Tooru flinched, an annoyed expression already turning on the perpetrator.

"I know, it got a few degrees hotter in here."

Ah,  _perpetrators_.

Matsukawa was fanning himself, Hanamaki rolling on the floor beside him, and it was only due to the coach's distant supervision that Hajime didn't pummel them.

"Shut up Makki!" Tooru sneered. "You're just jealous you're not as close as me and Iwa-chan."

The admission caused the two to erupt in another poorly concealed fit, with Matsukawa keeping more of his composure as usual. "Uh, I'm not sure we'd want to be."

Hajime threw the ball in his face, but the middle blocker caught it easily with his large hands, further egging on Hajime's rage.

Hajime growled as Tooru stayed strangely quiet beside him, not ready to deal with the two's shamelessness when his actual feelings weren't sorted out _at all_. "Why don't you guys just--"

"Alright enough!" The coach called them, signaling the end of practice, and the irritation inside him was stomped on, forced out of him. The duo smirked at him smugly, but said nothing else, and Hajime hoped it was the end of it. They went off to stretch, only mild grumblings being exchanged between them as they got lost in routine.

Tooru blinked a few times, shaking his head before the usual, confident expression was back, seemingly unfazed. Hajime wondered if they'd talk about this later, but then again, they probably wouldn't. It was harmless teasing to the three of them, no big deal. It's not like they actually believed he and Tooru were together, right?

Of course not.

Okay, so maybe he  _did_ have a tiny crush on Tooru. Big deal, it was most likely from convenience. Tooru had been there all his life, probably always would be, so Hajime felt more than a little attached. When he got into a real relationship and met someone else, he'd forget all about it. It was attraction, it was the trust between them, all those things were simply clouding his mind. Yet as he had to practically tear his eyes away from Tooru as he bent forward, his stomach flipped, like it seemed to always do in Tooru's presence, now and as kids, and he started to seriously doubt his own denial.

They were dismissed, Tooru waiting up for him happily, and Hajime forced the train of thought away for now, content with completing a good day of training. Still, he knew he'd have to sort out his feelings eventually, it was unlike him to leave things hanging around.

When it came to Tooru and him, things would work out. Or at least, he hoped so...

He jogged into the locker room, dead set on focusing his efforts on dissuading his best friend from an after school ice cream run.

Besides, Hajime could worry about his crush later, assuming it got any worse in the first place.

\--

Oh, it got worse.

Not only was he sure of his crush, a mere few months later, he was fairly sure he was in love. It was quick to say sure, but when you've known someone all your life...it's easier to tell. In fact, he was kind of floored he hadn't figured it out sooner. Fuck.

Despite his own awareness, he stared at Tooru's lithe form, spread out on the picnic blanket, looking way too good in his stupid camo print and boots.  _Fucking_...

"Iwa-chan, I can hear you glaring, shut up," Tooru whispered from where he was crouched down on the blanket, binoculars in hand.

And yeah, there was the current problem too.

"Fuckin' Makki...saying we're too close, I can't believe..." Tooru mumbled to himself, reaching to his side to snack on the chips Hajime had dutifully packed, giving up his chance at a normal Saturday night a little too easily. He'd known Tooru for too long, he'd come to realize, he was too used to this shit. "Here he is, on a date...ha!"

Sometimes, he wondered if Tooru was actually seventeen, or if he'd somehow reverted to age twelve without notifying him. Hajime sighed, using Tooru's calves as a pillow as he laid down on the blanket, the smell of damp grass and the cool breeze a little too chilly for his taste. At least he'd brought a coat and extra blankets. Hajime turned his head, doing his best to ignore the tantalizing slope of Tooru's ass in favor of the camera in the brunet's hand, ready to snap 'evidence.'

Sometime during the week, both of them had noticed Matsukawa and Hanamaki acting strange, exchanging notes, talking in whispers, the whole nine yards. Normally, Hajime would leave them be, and in fact he did. As long as it didn't affect the team and the game, what should it matter?

Tooru did not have this approach.

He'd snooped and snooped, stuck his nose where it didn't belong, dug through the trash to find the incriminating notes, and had gone as far as to hide in a locker while the two conversed after practice. After such a great deal of admirable (humiliating) effort, Tooru had discovered the two were going on a date to a drive-in movie that weekend. Together. With each other.

Naturally, the brunet had blown up, devising a plan to catch them in the act of kissing or  _who knows_ , whatever qualified as evidence of dating to Tooru. All this so the duo couldn't tease them anymore about acting too close. Hajime admitted, it would be nice, not because they were wrong per se (at least, not on his end), but because he was getting tired of being so blatantly called out in the middle of practice for things he couldn't help.

Damn.

It was more a stab to his pride than anything, knowing the two other third years had gotten together, beating Hajime in the stupid game known as love. Pft.

He heard the camera go off, and he wondered how good the zoom on the thing even  _was_. Would Tooru actually catch anything? They were seated atop the hill of the drive-in, basically the nosebleed seats, where no one else sat, but the screen was big enough to still clearly watch the movie if he wanted. In fact, he hadn't been paying attention at all, he had no clue what was playing. Point was, they were far up, and Matsukawa and Hanamaki were seated somewhere off to the side in the center of the field, visible without any obstructions, but far enough to where he had to squint to make out their movements.

_Well, that's what the binoculars are for I guess._

He smiled against his will. For someone so aggravating, Tooru could be unfairly cute, treating the stakeout with grave seriousness. Ah man, when had he become such a loser?

"Iwa-chan, you won't believe what I'm seeing," Tooru said, leg twitching under Hajime's head.

"Oh? I bet," he deadpanned, knowing Tooru was going to ignore him completely anyways in favor of his observations. That's how it usually went, Tooru would recite his exam study guide or his new volleyball strategy, oblivious to whether Hajime was actually listening. He always quizzed him on it when he was done though, the jerk.

"Seriously, they make fun of us all the time, yet they're here..."

_And we're not actually dating. Yeah I know._

Somehow, it only made him sulk more. Not even the joy of getting to tell the two to shut up during practice could erase his disappointment. God, he was being such a baby.

"Oh shit, I think Mattsun just put his arm around Makki! He's whispering something, I can tell..." The observations were occasionally interrupted by the crunch of a potato chip, or the sound of a shutter, but Hajime was mostly drowning it all out either way, trying his best not to visualize  _himself_ on a date with his best friend. "They're..."

Silence. Tooru's body tensed underneath him, and the noises of eating and fumbling died in an instant, the atmosphere filled with nothing but the movie, the gentle soundtrack of the scene accompanying the awkward mood.

Hajime rose up slowly, confused, since a break in Tooru's excited relay wasn't exactly as normal as he wished. "Oikawa? What happened?"

Maybe the couple had left, or maybe Tooru had become preoccupied with his phone, which wouldn't be a surprise. But no, the brunet was frozen, binoculars in his hand, but no longer using them. His eyes were fixated on the movie screen, the glow reflecting in his dark eyes as he squinted. The enthusiasm from before was gone, replaced with Tooru's more calculated look, like he was getting too lost in his own head and Hajime would have to pull him out sooner or later. Tooru would do it for him too, always aware when Hajime zoned out when getting distracted by a television show or worry. But to have Tooru randomly do this during his spontaneous stakeout wasn't exactly expected, and not to mention how downright pouty he looked.

"Nothing," Tooru mumbled, setting the binoculars down beside him and rolling over onto his back. "They kissed, I guess. Doesn't matter, I have my proof." He did his best to sound smug, but Tooru could hardly keep his grin in place, crossing his arms over his chest while Hajime looked on, unconvinced. Hajime knew all he had to do was wait, since it was rare for Tooru to keep his annoyance bottled up when it was the two of them alone, but well, it was nearing midnight, and Hajime was cold and impatient and very  _very_ romantically frustrated.

"Spit it out would you? Who cares if they kissed?" Hajime scoffed, pushing down the sudden fear that perhaps Tooru was disgusted by something like that. But it was gone as soon as it arrived, replaced with a bit of guilt at having entertained the thought at all. He knew his best friend, knew he wasn't that ignorant. Plus...there were bigger pieces of proof against it. Hajime had caught him staring at guys more than once, but ever since the summer before high school, it was more frequently directed at  _him_. Which really, he didn't want to toot his own horn, so he'd denied it. He thought maybe it was his imagination getting his hopes up, but...

Then again, he knew his best friend, all his quirks and mannerisms...

Maybe it was wishful thinking but...with every lingering touch he gave Tooru, the other usually returned it. Yet Hajime had made no moves to explore the relationship beyond the boundaries of their friendship, mostly because he was fearful of rushing into it or reading the signals wrong. But now he was here, seeing a real date between his friends that Hajime himself was a bit envious of, it made the urge to confess all the stronger. Plus, it really just pissed him off. "Can we go home?"

"So impatient Iwa-chan, no fun at all," Tooru laughed, sighing dramatically. "But if you must know, it's atrociously unfair that Makki gets his first kiss before me." Despite the frivolous tone, Hajime could tell when Tooru was seriously bothered by something, but now that Hajime knew what it was, it was pretty unexpected. "Appalling really..."

Hajime raised an eyebrow, though Tooru wasn't looking, letting the tender change in music from the film fill the weirdly brought upon silence. Tooru...Tooru couldn't seriously be jealous could he? Of Makki? Tooru was infinitely more popular, got a good two confessions a week on average, if not more, despite never acting on any of them. Why was he complaining about his friends going on one measly date? Although, Hajime was fairly sure the other hadn't had his first kiss, which never ceased to baffle and please him, considering Tooru's socialite ways. Maybe he was reading too much into it. Sure.

"So...you're jealous?" He tried again, taking a gamble. Envy was a typically ugly emotion Tooru didn't like to associate with, but of course, no one was impervious to it, even Hajime felt jealous from time to time of other volleyball players or classmates. Why Tooru had to be so secretive about the fault, he didn't get, if it was true in the first place. At least then they'd be on equal footing.

Fucking drama queen.

"Ughhh you don't have to say it."

_Ah, so I am right. The fuck?_

"Why would you be jealous, you get confessions all the time," Hajime said, doing his best to keep his disappointment out of his voice. "If you want a first kiss so bad just--"

"No! Don't you know anything?" Tooru shot up, hands flailing like Hajime had told him aliens weren't real, and Tooru was about to whoop his ass with barely there evidence and three days worth of audio recordings. He knew. It had happened before. "It has to be special! I can't just go kiss anybody. Do you think Mattsun and Makki just up and decided to kiss--well okay, they might've but--anyways! They obviously were into each other, they're close friends, so it was a no brainer to act on it!"

Hajime's breath caught enough for him to cough, but Tooru was too swept up in his tirade to notice.  _A no brainer huh...yeah right._ If it really was, one of them should've said something to each other months ago. But that was just him assuming again wasn't it?

Still Hajime's voice was a traitor apparently, always fishing for some inkling of certainty. At least if he asked, he'd know if the possibility of being with Tooru was a total fantasy. "So you don't have someone special or whatever?"

He waited for the eye roll, for the loud exclamation about how poor of an observer he was because no, of course Tooru wasn't dating anyone...but it never happened. Tooru froze up, his hands gesturing in midair, and his face taking on an odd shade of red, regardless of the dark.

Hajime's stomach flipped, and he regretted the question immediately. There were a lot things he shouldn't know for the sake of his own sanity, and yeah one was Tooru not returning his unconfessed feelings, or Tooru having a secret crush even Hajime didn't know about on someone from school. But there was another that was equally scary, thrilling...the one which was the most likely and that he continuously avoided because...because why?

Tooru's eyes locked on his, breathing shaky as he exhaled, and the cogs in Hajime's head started turning a billion times faster, yelling at him about what an idiot he was.

God, the soundtrack of the movie seemed absolutely blaring now.

Tooru maintained his eye contact, but his hands were notably shaking as he spoke. "Is it not obvious?"

_Shit_.

Well, when he put it that way...

Tooru's staring during practices, his need to text Hajime all the time, his worry whenever Hajime got sick, right down to his continuous refusal of confessions...

Those were all the blatantly obvious examples, but there were infinite others which Hajime couldn't describe, which boiled down to the weird connection and trust they'd built since they were kids. Always there for each other, looking out for one another, being content in the quiet bubble they put up when they were alone. Every moment and memory were things Hajime couldn't do without, and couldn't forget.

Yeah, he'd been a real idiot. When it came to them, patience wasn't needed anymore.

Hajime breathed out, fingers wanting so desperately to touch the other, to hold him, like it was an action already ingrained deep in his bones. And what was stopping him now?

"I mean, it was but..." Hajime inched forward, pushing the camera and binoculars aside haphazardly, not caring. The words were useless at this point too, they both knew. This whole game of secrets between them never had worked in the past. Why had they thought it would now?

Tooru didn't complain as Hajime came into his space naturally, only leaned forward himself, teeth nibbling his bottom lip. Those perfect lips...

"But?" Tooru's eyes twinkled, and really, how could Hajime resist?

"But nothing," he said, bringing up a hand to cup Tooru's face. He was aware of the sounds of chatter increasing, of car trunks slamming and people packing up as the movie ended, but he ignored all of it, the reason for the stakeout completely forgotten as Tooru smiled at him,  _only_ him.

"Hajime," Tooru said, and he'd missed how nice and smooth his name sounded on Tooru's lips. It had been a few years since they'd addressed each other so familiarly, but it was as natural as ever. Hajime nodded in response, waiting,  _craving_. "Kiss me."

Tooru barely got the last syllable out before Hajime's lips were on his, confident but soft, and Hajime sighed at Tooru's warmth, his taste, his  _everything_.

His nerves tingled, his toes curled, all the usual sappy shit which he thought was a lie before, but for some reason it didn't feel new. It felt right, like kissing Tooru was something he was made to do. God, it felt amazing.

He adjusted the angle, pulling back multiple times, never taking too long of a breath before kissing the other again. It was addicting, the soft smack of lips and the feel of Tooru's hands on his neck. Tooru's lips tasted salty from his chips, and Hajime greedily swiped his tongue along the edge to clean up the excess, enjoying the hum of approval he got in return.

Everything in him was screaming to continue to take more, like he'd been literally starving for it, and Tooru gave every indication of being okay with it. So, he did as he pleased. Hajime leaned forward, pushing Tooru back until he was lying on the blanket, and he could've carried on like that honestly, totally blissed out, with Tooru's tongue sneaking its way into his mouth, deepening the kiss...

But then it hit him.

His mind seemed to snap like a steel trap around the moment, choosing to flood him with memories he'd never seen before. Ones where he was kissing Tooru...loving him...

There was flashes of a chamber, a palace...heat of torches along with the kisses.

The saltiness of the ocean spray, instead of potato chips, cramped together in a tent.

The freshness of the outdoors and sweat of a dancers cramped together.

Tooru. Tooru, Tooru, Tooru. Over and over again.

They broke apart, breathing heavy, and the sight of Tooru with his pupils blown wide and his face flushed was nearly enough to make him forget about whatever had just happened. "Beautiful," he muttered, and it triggered another round of weird images, memories, like he'd said the compliment aloud before, and he really  _hadn't_. Not in front of Tooru. 

The brunet flushed more, clearing his throat when the sounds of car engines revving came from below the hill. Scooting back, Hajime looked down, and saw the clearing being emptied of cars, the movie screen being taken down by some workers as well. It broke the spell at least, but he couldn't shake the weird feeling of sand under his fingers, or the smell of smoke in his lungs.

"Iwa-chan, did you...um--"

"Yeah," he said, glancing back at his best friend, who still seemed in a daze, whether from the kiss or the experience. "I don't know what that was."

He wasn't sure he'd ever find out either, or if it would happen again, but he was nevertheless calm about it. The experience hadn't been distressing, or dreadful in anyway. It had actually felt...nice. He couldn't place why but, he felt like pulling Tooru close, never letting him go, his vulnerability and protective instincts melding together, the definition of his relationship with Tooru. Mutual support. As if he could push those sensations away.

He laughed as Tooru shrugged, seemingly not bothered either, and reached forward to squeeze Tooru's hand. "But that was...I really...you're--"

Tooru snorted, falling forward to bury his face in Hajime's neck. "You're so bad with words Iwa-chan. Does my magnificent self really leave you so speechless?"

"Yes," he answered instantly, and damn he was probably red up to his ears, but he was going to share the embarrassment  _damn it_. "Even though you're a shit."

Tooru pushed him, playfully, but Hajime took the weight gladly, falling back until they were a tangled heap on the grass, and was rewarded by a sharp yelp from the boy in his arms.

_Victory._

Tooru's head popped up ruefully, the expression fading into gentle comfort as he rested his head on Hajime's chest, content with the quiet of the outdoors, even as it got colder and colder. "You know...whatever happened just then, it made me feel all clingy. It's disgusting."

Hajime rolled his eyes, mostly out of agreement. He was fucking freezing his ass off, his back was probably stained with dirt, and they should've been heading home, but he did  _not_ want to let go of Tooru for anything. "Sadly, I get it. You're too heavy for this shit too."

" _Wow_."

" _But_ ," Hajime continued, steeling himself for the teasing he was sure to be subjected to. "I really like you. I have for...a long time."

"How long?" Tooru's voice was small, devoid of any smugness or mockery, and it reminded Hajime how insecure he could be at times, how doubtful about the good things about him. Hajime squeezed him tighter.

"Right at the end of middle school probably? Maybe longer, and I just didn't realize honestly," he admitted, the exhale of Tooru's breath like music to his ears. "What about you?"

"Middle school, I don't remember exactly but, around then," the brunet whispered.

_God, I'm so stupid._

He felt like he'd wasted time, but he was content somehow, like his brain was telling him not to worry. He was right on time.

Tooru scooted up, and Hajime met him happily, their lips meeting again softly, hopefully not for the last time. He wouldn't let it be the last time.

_"I found you."_ He heard a voice say, but he pushed it aside, choosing to focus all his attention on the boy in his arms, and to never let that attention shift for anything.

\--

Tooru hadn't known what to make of the visions when they'd first happened, but he was never one to distrust his instincts, or the workings of fate, so he received them enthusiastically, more and more curious with each one. He figured they'd run out at some point, that they'd stop at some point, but they were infinite, and and as he and Hajime passed into their third year, he got used to them. Tooru became captain, and Hajime was still his ace, his best friend, and now boyfriend.

The memories came during big events in their lives, new experiences they shared.

When they had sex for the first time, Tooru thought he could smell bathing oils, thought he could hear the jingle of sashes and felt so desperate for Hajime's touch, it was blinding.

When he hurt his knee, and had called Hajime in the middle of the night to come pick him off the gym floor, he coughed from the feeling of smoke invading his lungs, the sensation of hopelessness as the world faded around him. Then when Hajime was there, instant relief flooded him, accompanied by images of the beach and a subway station.

When they'd lost against Shiratorizawa, he'd felt stabbing regret and loss. He and Hajime, along with the rest of the team, had worked their asses off, only to fall short once more. Maybe it was him, maybe he wasn't a worthy captain after all. He considered throwing in the towel right then, his third year already off to a bad start. But of course, leave it to Hajime to see right through his pretend confidence, and together, they got the drive to practice even harder. And somehow the visions told him a story of endless searching, and sailing seas and hiking through deserts, never giving up.

Really, it was like a story, but all the dots weren't there, and when he was bored he found himself piecing the story together. He wondered if they were fragments from his dreams, on those nights when he'd had too much sugar or exposure to stress during the day. Perhaps that's why he couldn't remember dreaming it, but he must've, right?

There was no other explanation, unless he was being probed, which while cool, was sort of a let down. The aliens could do better than making Tooru fall more in love with Hajime than he already was. It was a dangerous game, since there was no limit to that.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Hajime looked at him, sleepy eyes opening to reveal the grey color Tooru loved so much.

They were supposed to be doing homework or preparing for their university entrance exams, but the day was too peaceful, overcast, and honestly, it made Tooru feel lazier than usual. Normally his boyfriend would nag him on these days, and they'd end up working through their studies together, but Hajime had simply plopped down onto Tooru's bed when they'd arrived him, opening his arms in a silent invitation for the brunet to join him, and now they were well into their second hour of being completely unproductive. It was the best.

"Nothing, I'm just..." Tooru shrugged, breathing in the cool air seeping in through the window. "Happy."

_Happy_. Stupidly happy.

There were still a lot of uncertain things up ahead for them, he knew that. There was the spring tournament, university, the possibility of a long distance relationship, and life on his own. Surely there would be let downs, fights, things he couldn't handle alone. The stress was immense. What if he and Hajime weren't together in a year’s time? What if his volleyball career went nowhere? There were too many unknowns, he hated it. But regardless, he couldn't shake the content feeling, like somehow things would fall into place.

Hajime leaned down, kissing his forehead. "Yeah, me too."

And then, the uneventful calm brought them another vision, different from the ones marked by life changing events, fragmentary and fuzzy.

 

_Hajime fixed Tooru's crown for the twelfth time that night, complaining about the other's sloppy appearance. Tooru had to constantly remind him that if he was truly the prince, people would recognize him without the crown, screw tradition. Plus, wasn't he, out of everyone, allowed the most leeway in the palace? Yes, maybe he was being a brat, but it was for good reason. The silver gleamed too brightly and hardly matched his usual style of dress. The rubies and engravings clashed in his opinion, but alas, he was seldom allowed anywhere without the thing. It also made sneaking around a feat._

_While sitting in his chamber with Hajime, reading books or lost in the sheets, was a fun time, sometimes he liked taking the other into town or having a romantic stroll in the garden. But they were always under watch, people always stared at him, there was never a moment of relief. Then there were his boring duties and meetings, none of which concerned him much, and now he was being faced with one he couldn't escape..._

_"What are we going to do Hajime?" He whispered into the silence of the night, his foot kicking at the water of the pond below him. This was the only time they could be outside together, without snooping eyes. "Where will we go? You're going to have to be the one who is good with directions, because my eyes definitely can't read what's on those tiny maps and--"_

_"What are you on about now?" Hajime said, sighing again as Tooru's crown tilted, and choosing to forgo it this time completely. He grabbed the extravagant band, placing it down on the grass, and rifled his fingers through Tooru's hair. The touch was welcome, a comfort to Tooru's scattered mind._

_"What do you mean? We have to run away," Tooru informed, because it truly was obvious. "I can't marry someone from a neighboring kingdom. I won't have it."_

_Hajime sighed, his hands stopping in their ministrations to grab Tooru's, bringing it to his lips with a chaste kiss. "Tooru...you know that's not your decision. Your parents insist--"_

_"Well that's not fair! I'm the next king, I should have a say!"_

_"Well you don't," Hajime bit back, the facade of obedient bodyguard fully dropping when it was only the two of them. Now they were just two best friends, lovers. "And you can't run away, you don't know what it's like out there and...neither do I. I can protect you here."_

_"You can't be with me here though," he snapped back, his hand tightening on the other's. Ha, what a joke. Even when he was furious, he couldn't sever the touch._

_It did the trick, it shut Hajime up, and Tooru almost felt guilty during the minute of silence between them. He thought of maybe pushing the topic away, their time was short after all, they should enjoy it. But he also knew they needed to have the conversation at some point, and he wasn't one to put things off. Had never been allowed to, as the prince._

_Hajime, who was always by his side, who hopefully always would be, never was one to put off problems either, but he was sorely mistaken if he thought Tooru would be so complacent in this._

_Fat chance._

_"Tooru," he eventually sighed, pulling the prince close to him. "I love you, but my first priority is your safety, and you're safest here."_

_Tooru's eyes flashed in hurt. "But--"_

_"But," Hajime continued, and it was only then Tooru noticed his voice was shaking. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this...I don't want you to marry, I just--"_

_Hajime swallowed thickly, a death grip on Tooru as he sent a nasty glare at the polished crown lying a few feet away. Sometimes Tooru forgot that Hajime had essentially grown up in the palace as well, sheltered, cared for. He was as lost and powerless as Tooru in this, if not more so. He was no noble, had no say or path down which he could fix things for them both. But Tooru knew if he could, he'd do anything, and the thought meant the world to him. The prince's eyes softened, the understanding washing over him as he launched himself at his bodyguard, sending them both to the ground._

_"Ow! Toor--"_

_"I love you too," he whispered, refusing to meet Hajime's eyes. The last thing he wanted was for people to think he'd been crying in the morning. Not attractive. "We can figure this out together though, I know it! We have to!"_

_He refused to be afraid of the future and what it held, because if he had Hajime by his side, experiencing it all with him, it would work out for the best. They were going to be together, no matter what it took, Tooru wouldn't give up._

_Hajime tensed up underneath him, but moments later, his strong arms were cradling Tooru, like they had since they were children, sealing their promise for lifetimes._

_"Yeah, we do."_

 

It was like a movie clip, from how clear and uninterrupted it was, and Tooru gasped as it faded away, the arms around him tightening to near discomfort. It was like the memory opened up a floodgate, and now his heart rate was accelerating, his mind finally making sense of the fragments, the words. It was overwhelming, the emotions rushing through him. Anger, longing, happiness...all of them stretched across lifetimes.  _Lifetimes_. He shot up, not breaking his eye contact with Hajime. "I-I..."

_"You're the only one I want."_

_"We've been reincarnated once and you think you're going to be taller every time?"_

_"This isn't the last time. Not by a long shot."_

_"So...you're a nerd in this life Hajime?"_

_"Of course one life wouldn't be enough for you..."_

 

It hadn't been. Not at all.

 

_I'll find you. I'll always find you._

 

He remembered.

The darkness, the smoke, each new life. It all hit him in a rush, and from the way Hajime tackled him, he'd felt it too. He'd  _seen_.  _Oh my god we..._

Hajime was crushing him under his weight, but Tooru accepted it gladly, the relief overpowering in the best way. "Tooru..."

"Oh my god," he said, the tears welling up against his will. "I-I...you..."  _We did it._

Hajime nodded against him, pulling away and holding Tooru's face like he could disappear at any minute. But he wouldn't, not this time. "Yeah dummy, I found you."

And the words had never sounded better, being the last time he'd ever hear them.

He laughed, the tears spilling in buckets, but Hajime kissed him despite his complaints, and oh boy, if Tooru thought they weren't going to get their homework done before, they definitely weren't now.

Fine by him.

He tackled Hajime again, sending them into a heap on the soft sheets of his bed, dead set on not leaving the spot for at least a few more hours. Hajime didn't seem like he'd be objecting either, so all the better.

Yeah, this was how it was always supposed to be, and he couldn't help but thank the universe, for the extra chances, for the final pardon.

"I love you," he whispered through the tears, and Hajime grinned at him, bright enough to blind.

"I love you too."

And really, he knew that, knew it like his own name, but it never got old to hear.

\--

"Okay but, technically I found you first because--"

"Tooru?"

"Hm?"

"Shut it."

\--

There were a lot of years ahead of them, but Tooru didn't want to waste any, though he figured it wasn't something he had to worry about much. Simply being with Hajime was an adventure, but he was determined to make the most out of it regardless, exploring the world, living their dreams, until the natural end came. He didn't know when that would be, but somehow he wasn't so bitter and mistrusting of the universe anymore. He'd earned this, he and Hajime both had, and he was going to spend his final, full life being grateful for it. And really, he ought to get started, university was right around the corner, and he'd have to use his free time wisely, in between all his studies. If he wanted to be on the national team and married to Hajime in four years, he was going to have to take it seriously.

Smiling to himself as he set down the last box into their new apartment, Tooru let Hajime pull him close, the feelings of content mirrored in every movement. _Yeah, there's definitely a lot to do. I can't wait._

And well, life was short, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate everyone who followed this fic <3 Comments are always appreciated, and I'll be back soon! ^^  
> Tumblr: its-love-u-asshole  
> Twitter: itsloveuasshole

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading, hopefully I can update within a month or so (college is kicking my ass right now though lol). Comments are appreciated <3  
> Tumblr: its-love-u-asshole  
> Twitter: itsloveuasshole


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